


In This Together: She's Mine And I'm Hers

by beccarc



Series: In This Together: She's Mine and I'm Hers [3]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Drama & Romance, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Sex, F/F, Feelings, Hormones, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Scares, Pregnant Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-12-03 12:11:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11531949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beccarc/pseuds/beccarc
Summary: Somewhat AU...'Happy, domestic FreakyTits' Joan is still governor of Wentworth and Vera is still her deputy. They are living together at Joan's place and Vera is pregnant.





	1. Chapter 1

Vera sat at their kitchen table clutching her freshly brewed decaf coffee, mindlessly staring into it, she had never felt so tired in her whole life. The countless double shifts she had endured over the last however many years at Wentworth had never left her as tired as she was now, entering the 3rd trimester of pregnancy.

They said once the first trimester passed it would be easier, morning sickness had ravaged those first 12 weeks and Joan had forced her to take time off work. Begrudgingly she had agreed, she didn't like the idea of not working, she enjoyed her job and enjoyed being around Joan at work, but she understood Joan's motives for having her take the leave. After all it really wasn't practical to keep having to excuse herself, to sprint to the bathroom, only to spend 15 minutes dry retching over the toilet.

She pondered why they called it morning sickness, she had felt nauseous from the moment her eyes opened to the moment they closed every day for over 2 months.

Joan told Vera that she preferred to know that Vera was at home, resting, growing their child and comfortable. Although Vera knew that part of it was not wanting Vera to get hurt at work, even though the chances of that were minimal since Joan had stripped most of her responsibilities. She was down to pretty much administrative tasks only, there was barely any contact with prisoners, maybe the odd processing of a low risk arrivals and only if they were short staffed. Joan had meticulously researched the risks in that first trimester and wasn't going to risk Vera becoming subject to an injury that could trigger a miscarriage.

Once Vera had reached the second trimester she practically had to beg Joan to allow her to return to work, it's not that Joan didn't want her back, she dearly loved her deputy's presence at work, but she worried deeply, she worried too much Vera thought. They had argued passionately about it, with Vera stating quite bluntly that many other women worked right up until their due dates, it was her body and she would choose. Joan was a bit taken a back by Vera's assertiveness over the matter and eventually they came to an agreement, Vera could return to work, but there was absolutely no contact with prisoners, no unnecessary stress, she would be confined strictly to admin and also she would work mainly from within Joan's office. That was how the last 3 months had continued. They would drive in together and drive home together, Joan always drove them, her driving had become noticeably slower since Vera became pregnant and they took a quieter route than prior to the pregnancy, every potential hazard was considered when it came to Vera's wellbeing. Joan would prepare their lunches the night before and ensure Vera had taken her supplements, often Vera felt she was being mollycoddled, she never brought it up as she knew deep down Joan just needed to feel in control, she needed to protect Vera in every way and protect their unborn child. In an improbable way it made her love Joan even more, she had never felt so safe and so wanted in all her life.

"Good morning Vera." Joan broke Vera's trance like state as she came downstairs and approached the kitchen table. Joan looked impeccable as always, her hair pulled perfectly into her trademark bun, not a strand out of place and her uniform, freshly pressed, hung perfectly on her form. Joan's arms rested over the top of Vera's shoulders and her hands settled on Vera's neat bump. She leant down and delicately kissed the crown of Vera's head. Vera sighed as she did so and leant backwards, closing her eyes as her head settled on Joan's midriff.

"Did you not sleep well again? You weren't there when I woke, I presumed you would be down here," Joan asked, somewhat concerned that Vera seemed to be having trouble sleeping more and more recently. Upon waking and realising Vera's side of the bed was cold, she had hoped that Vera had succeeded in getting comfortable on the couch and had managed a few more hours rest than the previous night. Cautious to not want to wake her sleep deprived lover, Joan used her time efficiently to shower and get dressed before venturing downstairs to find Vera.

"I just couldn't sleep again, well I did for a while, but I was restless and my hips are so painful at night, I didn't want to wake you. I came downstairs and read some more of the literacy from the midwife, I think I've decided what sort of birth I want.. I mean would like, I want you to want the same too." Vera could sense Joan's eyes rolling slightly, she knew that Joan wanted her to have a hospital birth, that was the safest option in her opinion, but Vera liked the idea of a water birth, she didn't like hospitals and as much as she knew Joan would never settle for a home birth, she hoped she could persuade her that a midwife led birthing centre may be acceptable.

"You could have woken me, you can always wake me Vera. I think I'll call the midwife again today, this SPD seems to be getting worse, it can't be doing you any good surviving on so little sleep. There must be something more they can do for you..."

"Joan..." Vera interjected before Joan could continue, "You cannot continue to ring Mandy, it's just one of those things, lots of pregnant women suffer from it, they've given me all the advice they can to make it as comfortable as possible." Joan had wanted to pay for an independent midwife or a private obstetrician but Vera put her foot down and said they didn't need to fork out unnecessarily, the standard midwife provision would be more than adequate. Vera also refused to have Joan pay for private antenatal classes. Joan couldn't quite fathom why Vera wouldn't allow her to pay for the absolute crème de la crème of Australian midwifery, but she didn't want Vera to get stressed, so allowed Vera a somewhat non-contested victory for that battle. Although in typical Joan style she researched all the midwives at the hospital and personally selected the most suitable one, a few name dropping phone calls to the hospital and Mandy was assigned as Vera's designated midwife. Vera knew it was highly unusual to see the same midwife throughout your pregnancy, she knew Joan had influenced this, over their few years together she had come to accept that Joan would have underlying control in pretty much every aspect of their life together.

"Hmm well if you're sure... I must say my dressing gown rather suits you, I wondered where it had gone this morning."

Vera smirked as she looked down, semi swamped in Joan's far too long dressing gown. "Well I can't wear mine, it doesn't quite go all the way around anymore and not to mention it's risky should I have to answer the door."

Joan mused at the thought of Vera wearing her normal dressing gown, she had undeniably noticed it was no longer fit to cover Vera's ever changing body. Vera's breasts had grown at least two cup sizes and the protruding bump made Vera's modest dressing gown about a foot shorter. It was seldom for either of them to wear anything to bed, so the now ill fitting dressing gown really didn't leave much to the imagination in Vera's current shape.

"Well yes I wouldn't want anybody else's eyes delving over your body in such a scantly clad state, that is for me only, you are mine," Joan said in an almost hoarse whisper, her lips brushed Vera's ear, conveying her sensuality at the thought. As she did she slipped one of her hands under the dressing gown where the material edges overlapped and felt the warm skin of Vera's bump under her palm. Joan felt an instant wave of contentment and happiness, just then a firm quick kick came from inside, followed by several softer ones.

"I think someone is awake in there." Vera smiled as she spoke, knowing Joan could feel the baby moving too. "And that someone is also jumping on my bladder," Vera added. Joan removed her hand and stepped backwards as Vera rose from the chair. Vera turned to face Joan and tenderly placed her arms around Joan's neck, her fingers barely reaching to interlink, giggling as she did so, she looked down between them and then back up at Joan, "As if the height difference didn't already make this an issue, it now seems even harder to reach up and kiss you." Joan bent down slightly, enabling her to merge her lips against Vera's, eliciting a small moan from Vera. Vera leant in, pressing her bump gently into Joan and kissed her back with more force.

As their lips parted, with both Vera and Joan grinning, tenderly looking into each other's eyes, it was as if time stood still, only for a few seconds, but in that moment, despite Joan's constant worrying and Vera's chronic lack of sleep, they knew that what they both felt was a sense of bliss, everything was in some strange way perfect... The moment was only broken by Vera's slightly exasperated announcement that she had to pee, as she almost skipped up the stairs she called back to Joan, telling her she would get showered and ready for work.

Joan set about making their breakfast, ensuring Vera started her day fueled correctly, a stark contrast from her pre pregnancy 'caffeine and sugar' hit. She wished Vera would just succumb and start her maternity leave early, she daren't bring the topic up again. Vera was 30 weeks now and had agreed to stop work at 36 weeks, only 6 more weeks left Joan thought, by which time Vera would surely resemble a beach ball smuggler. Darling, petite Vera, she hadn't put weight on anywhere except her perfectly formed bump and the swell of her chest, from behind you wouldn't even know she was expecting.

Vera didn't take long to get herself showered, she slipped into her maternity skirt and wiggled the elasticated section over her bump, maternity wear was so sexy she thought to herself sarcastically, sliding on her shirt, she glanced into the mirror, yep maternity wear is so sexy she reiterated to herself, struggling to button it over the non glamorous grey maternity bra. It wasn't that Vera was parading constantly in matching lace underwear pre pregnancy, but there was a certain blandness about a non wired bra. Who makes these rules she thought bemused, her chest was bigger than she could have ever imagined, for once in her life she had a noticeable pair of breasts, she wanted to encapsulate them in cute lingerie and yet here they were somewhat unsupported and confined in what looked like some sort of prison issued piece.

Vera sauntered back into the kitchen, now fully dressed, her hair pulled back into a French twist, still slightly damp. She reached over Joan's arms, which were busy plating up breakfast, grabbing a piece of toast. Joan cut her a glance from the corner of her eye, Vera knew it irritated her when she ate in the kitchen, she countered Joan's glance with an accentuated pout and puppy eyes.

Joan turned to her, playfully she said, "I know what you're doing Vera and you're only getting away with it because you're with child, our child."

Vera nodded and responded, "Yep and I'm making the most of it whilst I can," continuing to make puppy dog eyes as crumbs dropped to the floor. She knew Joan could never truly be mad with her and she enjoyed playing on that, it was her own little piece of control.

"I need you to order me some more uniforms at work today, please?" Vera looked directly at Joan, still defiantly munching on her toast.

"Hmm, Is that so?" Joan responded.

"Well I think the buttons on my shirts may become a hazard if they get any tighter.... I feel so frumpy." Vera's pout reappearing but less playful than before.

"Oh my cupcake, you are not frumpy, you are positively blossoming and as beautiful as ever." Joan reached out and stroked Vera's cheek as she spoke.

Vera smiled, she loved that throughout the last 7 months nothing had phased Joan, least of all her ever changing moods and body. Vera really felt that they were in this journey together, she had never felt so close to another human being before, every doubt that she had Joan was there instantly to comfort and support her.

They shared breakfast at the table, discussing the itinerary for the day, Joan washed up and they left for work. The car journey was often the same, the radio would provide the background noise, Joan would consider the day ahead and Vera would mainly daydream about the future and the arrival of their baby.


	2. Chapter 2

Vera's head lolled forward and her eyes snapped open, suddenly realising she had fallen asleep in the car. She glanced sideways and knew instantly that Joan had noticed, Joan's lips twitched at the corners, the slightest grin appearing. Joan's eyes still fixed on the road ahead, she spoke in a soft tone, "you look adorable when you're dozing."

"I wasn't dozing," Vera replied adamantly.

"Hmm, of course not," Joan said still smirking.

She knew Joan was only jesting with her but Vera still felt somewhat embarrassed about not being able to keep her eyes open for the twenty minute drive home. 

They pulled up onto the driveway, Joan reached their front door first, unlocking it and holding it open for Vera. Vera haphazardly kicked her work shoes off as she walked into the hallway, these were quickly picked up by Joan and neatly aligned on the shoe rack.

Vera made her way upstairs, eager to remove herself from her work attire and get into something more comfortable. She stripped down, placing her uniform and underwear in the washing basket, it was a release to be free of work for the weekend. She was grateful that Joan had changed their shift patterns, allowing them both to have nearly every weekend off together. Joan entered the bedroom, running her fingers through her hair, teasing out the residual tension left from her tight bun. She absentmindedly began to unbutton her jacket as she noticed Vera stood in front of the mirror. Vera's hands roamed over her bump and she examined her body visually, just as Joan discarded the jacket onto the bed Vera noticed her presence in the room. 

"I can't believe how big my bump is getting," Vera said cheerfully, "my app says the baby is the size of a zucchini now." 

"Well that's one lucky zucchini then," Joan replied, she had discarded her shirt and trousers too as she stood behind Vera in just her underwear.  
Joan took the pins out of Vera's hair and allowed it to cascade out of the twist, brushing it over to Vera's left shoulder she began to pepper light kisses from Vera's earlobe, down the taught muscles of her neck and along her right shoulder. Joan's body was pressed tightly against Vera's naked back, Vera shivered slightly at the combination of the tender contact and the firmness of Joan's warm torso, making her hair stand on end. Joan's hands made contact with Vera's biceps and she slowly ran her fingertips down both arms until she met with Vera's hands which were cupped underneath her bump. Their fingers interlaced and remained in contact with Vera's bump, Joan retraced her kisses back up to Vera's ear, meeting Vera's loving gaze in the mirror. 

"You look so beautiful right now, do you know that? Do you know how happy it makes me, to know that you are mine? To have you here, living with me? To know you are carrying our baby?" She squeezed Vera's fingers as she finished speaking. 

Vera's adoring smile and full doe eyes were the only answer she needed. 

"What do you want to do this weekend?" Joan asked Vera. 

"Sleep," Vera replied without hesitation. 

"Ha!" Joan uttered as she resumed kissing Vera's neck. Not being able to resist the sweet  
temptation of Vera's soft skin centimetres from her lips, she wasn't as gentle as before, peppered kisses turning into lingering slow but firm sucks, her teeth grazing Vera's skin as her mouth repositioned repeatedly over every inch of Vera that she could access in this position.

"Mmmm Joan," Vera closed her eyes and pushed herself further back into Joan, her own fingertips beginning to trace patterns over Joan's forearms. She could feel a warmth rising in her body, her toes flexed upwards every time Joan's teeth caught her now flushed skin. 

"Ok maybe I don't just want to sleep." Vera didn't realise how breathlessly the words would leave her mouth. 

Joan became more gentle, her lips losing contact intermittently with Vera's skin and slowly ceased her kisses, standing upright behind Vera, but still encircling her with her arms.

"Why did you stop?" Vera pouted and Joan just grinned, "I need to pop to the post office before it closes to pick up a parcel that we missed today, if I continue I don't think I will get there before they shut." 

"That's just teasing," Vera responded. 

"I'll make it up to you later," Joan said, her hands trailing around to Vera's bottom as she started to walk towards their wardrobe, she playful pinched Vera's right cheek before breaking contact completely. 

Joan opened the wardrobe, slipping a pair of black skinny jeans off a hanger and picking out a plain v-neck t-shirt. She got dressed and Vera found out a pair of lounge shorts and a vest top.

"Hmm I know you're not wearing any underwear Vera," Joan purred. 

"Well hopefully that will serve as a reminder not to forget what you started earlier," Vera smirked. 

"You look gorgeous in these," Joan ran her fingers under the vest straps and then along the waist band of Vera's newly donned outfit, "Do you want anything whilst I'm out?"

"I don't think so, I'm just going to relax and watch some television until you get back and then I'll help you sort dinner," Vera said.

Joan collected her purse and grabbed the car keys, calling out to Vera as she was leaving, "I won't be long, love you." 

"Love you too," Vera called back. 

Vera grabbed the television remote and sunk back into their sofa, lifting her legs up and stretching them out. She flicked through the channels until she found a nature documentary, March of the Penguins, not wanting to watch anything too taxing. 

Her mind wandered to Joan's actions earlier, how easily and freely her body responded to Joan's touch, how quickly she had found herself feeling amorous and needing more.

She thought back to the early stages of pregnancy and how Joan was so understanding that sex was the last thing on Vera's mind, her sickness was relentless. Even when it wasn't, her hormones left her far too emotional to be able to focus on any more intimacy than kissing and cuddling. 

She remembered feeling quite self conscious as her body changed, the sickness had lifted but always having been seen as the 'petite, slim one', she struggled to embrace the changes pregnancy was bringing. It was only Joan's constant compliments and reassurance that allowed Vera to finally accept the journey her body was on and enable her to find the transformation as beautiful and sexy as Joan did. 

Vera's sex drive definitely upped as she had approached the last trimester, despite the tiredness, she felt this constant underlying sense of desire for Joan. Recently at work it was becoming a prominent distracting thought. She presumed Joan would welcome her rekindled need, seeing as there had been some definite periods of them not being intimate over the last few months, but Joan seemed a little hesitant to engage fully at times. It concerned Vera and she wanted to discuss it with Joan but she was slightly worried what the response may be, besides she didn't feel she had a right to be making demands on their bedroom activities when she had been the one not up for it recently. 

Vera was half dozing (again) when Joan returned. Her eyes just focusing as Joan leant over the back of their sofa, delicately kissing Vera's forehead and placing an elegant bunch of flowers onto Vera's lap. 

"What are these for?" Vera asked trying not to sound too sleepy, looking up at Joan.

"Just because, do I need a reason to treat you? Besides I thought they looked radiant, just like you are looking", Joan spoke before kissing Vera, on the lips this time. 

"Do you want me to put them in a vase for you and then I'll start dinner, you stay there, let me look after you tonight?" Joan asked, although Vera knew it was more of a rhetorical question. 

"That would be lovely," Vera replied, "are you sure I can't help you?" 

"No, I'll be fine." Joan responded as she took the flowers and walked towards the kitchen. She glided around the kitchen with such elegance, Vera didn't know how she managed that, she turned onto her side so she could watch television and steal glances as Joan continued to prepare dinner. Joan slid their lasagne into the oven and set the timer, the kitchen sides were disinfected and all the washing up completed. She rejoined Vera in the lounge, setting down two large glasses of wine, one red and one white. 

"Um, are we expecting company? It's just you know I can't drink?" Vera questioned, slightly confused.

"I know you can't drink alcohol, yours isn't alcoholic. I thought you may like to try it... I thought it may give you the same sense of relaxation as having a glass of wine with me used to, on a Friday evening. You know, before.." Joan glanced at Vera's bump and raised her eyebrows. 

Vera sat up and pulled Joan towards her, gesturing her to sit, "thank you, that's really sweet." Once Joan sat down she snuggled into her, "I still can't believe how thoughtful you can be, who would have imagined it, hard faced, formidable Joan Ferguson, showering me with flowers, alcohol free wine and dinner." 

"I'll take that as a compliment," Joan chuckled, "Just don't tell anyone, I'll lose my air of cold, imposing governor." 

"Your secret is safe with me," Vera replied, smiling. She still struggled to comprehend, even now, how she had managed to get behind the armour and experience the sheer delight of being loved, wanted and needed by Joan. As complicated as the notion was, she never wanted what they felt and shared to end. 

Vera stayed cuddled up to Joan as they waited for dinner to cook, Joan's right arm was around Vera and her palm rested on Vera's hip, allowing her thumb to encroach slightly under the waistband of her lounge shorts, massaging Vera with small circles. They both remained silent as they watched television, quite content to just be in each other's company. Vera reached for Joan's hand that was rested on her hip and placed it right where she could feel the baby moving around.

"I'll never get tired of feeling that," Joan spoke softly as if she worried that she would startle the baby. 

"Just as I'll never get tired of sharing it with you," Vera replied. Suddenly remembering that Joan's primary reason for going out earlier was to pick up the parcel, she asked, "What was the parcel today?"

"Oh it's a present for you, I'm hoping it will help you sleep better," Joan said as she rose from the sofa, allowing Vera enough time to readjust herself so she wasn't leaning on Joan anymore.  
Joan carefully opened the large box in their hallway. Removing from it a long body pillow. "I did some research on one of those baby forum groups that you rave about..."

"What you actually posted on a baby forum," Vera interjected, feeling amused, knowing Joan thought the whole concept was utterly bizarre. 

"Um, no. I just read through some discussions other expectant mothers were having and it seems a body pillow comes highly recommended to alleviate hip pain in the night," Joan replied, also amused that Vera thought she would actually post on a virtual chatroom. 

"So what do I do, spoon it?" Vera said, now on her knees, leaning forward with her elbows on the back of the sofa, almost giggling at the size of the object which would be joining them in bed. 

"Well I guess that's one way of describing it, worth a try?" Joan was a little worried that she had made a mistake ordering it without running it past Vera. 

"Oh of course, thank you for thinking about me, for worrying about me," Vera smiled lovingly at Joan. 

"Well it was certainly a different use of my time at work this week and I'll always worry about you," Joan responded, happy that her efforts were in fact well received. 

They enjoyed dinner, chatting about some of the jobs they could achieve over the weekend. Joan wanted them to make progress on the nursery, currently just an empty room directly opposite their bedroom. Vera however was still at the stage of flicking through baby magazines and cutting out photos that she found cute, organising them on her mood board. Vera agreed that they could at least order the furniture this weekend and she would continue to work on the colour scheme and choosing finishing touches. She knew Joan was becoming slightly impatient over the matter, wanting everything sorted, just incase.


	3. Chapter 3

Joan was stood on the other side of the kitchen, positioned with her back to Vera, she had cleared up their dishes from dinner and was attentively making them both a hot drink. Vera had remained seated, watching Joan busy herself and tidy, she knew Joan preferred to do those tasks alone, her way. However just watching Joan moving gracefully she found her mind wandering again to earlier in the bedroom, Joan's dextrous fingers, wanting their touch. She took the opportunity to make her way over to Joan, not saying anything, but making enough noise so she wouldn't startle her, she wrapped her arms around Joan's waist. 

"Hello you," Joan responded to the feeling of Vera's arms around her and the bump pressing into the small of her back. Part of her missed that Vera couldn't press her body flush against her anymore. 

Vera not knowing how to best convey her current desires, unable to reach any exposed flesh to kiss, began to lift Joan's t-shirt allowing her hands to make contact with warm skin, massaging her abdomen, steadily tracing upwards. She skimmed over the cups of Joan's bra, stopping at Joan's nipples, beginning to circle firmly with her fingertips over the fabric. 

"Mmmm someone is definitely feeling less sleepy," Joan said and Vera was pleased with Joan's seemingly positive response to her actions.

Joan turned round to face Vera, causing Vera to lose contact briefly, her hands falling to land on Joan's hips. 

"I want you," Vera found the courage to verbally express how she felt. Pulling Joan into her, bracing against strong hips, Vera reached up on tiptoes and ghosted her tongue over Joan's top lip, following her perfectly formed Cupid's bow, she felt her body tingle in response to the delicate contact. 

"And I want you," Joan replied, "but right now I just need to finish some paperwork in the office."

"Oh, ok." Vera tried not to sound too disappointed as their bodies severed contacted, averting her eyes from making contact with Joan's.

Joan handed Vera her cup of tea and proceeded to head into the office. Vera couldn't understand, she felt somewhat rejected, was she jumping to unfounded conclusions, perceiving it the wrong way. 

Deciding to head straight to bed, not bothering to put the light on, instead relying on the slither of moonlight entering the room via the gap in the curtains. She placed the hot tea on her bedside table, contemplating not using the coaster, rebelling against the unspoken house rules, but thought better of it. Glancing at the body pillow that Joan had so lovingly bought her and wondering if that too was some sort of sign that Joan would rather she cuddled the pillow than her, leaving it on the floor, she went to remove her clothes and thought, sod it, Joan obviously isn't interested anyway, so she slipped under the covers as she was. 

She led on her right side, facing outwards, she had always slept on the side furthest from the door. She didn't know why, but it almost seemed safest to know that Joan was always between her and anyone that could enter the room, protecting Vera. Her right arm slipped under her pillow and she sighed heavily, cuddling into it. Why was Joan avoiding having sex, she wasn't expecting to be thrown onto the table and devoured, not like the way they used to be, before the pregnancy. But she expected something, she wanted something, she felt like Joan was avoiding her, well not her, avoiding making love to her. 

Vera wasn't sure how long had passed, not sure if she had been dreaming or just deep in thought, but she came to realise that Joan was in the bedroom. She heard Joan enter the ensuite, then come out and the laundry basket lid open and shut, Joan must be naked now she thought, then she felt the bed dip, the covers shuffling and Joan slip into the bed. Vera wasn't sure if she wanted Joan to know she was awake, she remained still and kept her eyes shut. Joan moved across the bed and wrapped herself around Vera, spooning her, Vera felt herself tense and she wasn't sure why. 

"Mmmm, good night darling," Joan whispered, nuzzling into her, she wasn't sure if Vera was asleep or not. 

"Goodnight Joan," Vera replied.

"Oh, I didn't know if you would still be awake, sorry I took longer than expected to finish up."

"It's ok," Vera was trying to not sound vexed but wasn't able to stop herself being short in her reply. 

"You're not naked tonight," Joan made the observation, not sure why Vera was sleeping in her clothes. They had pretty much always slept together naked.

"I can remove them if you would prefer," Vera said, almost hopeful, thinking maybe she was entirely wrong before. 

"No it's fine, however you're comfortable," Joan responded. She was a little bemused but just presumed it was because Vera was so tired, she wasn't going to overthink it. 

Vera on the other hand was overthinking everything. Joan still snuggling into her began to relax her grip around Vera and Vera knew she was falling asleep. So that was it Vera thought, she's really not bothered about being intimate.

Vera bit her bottom lip as she felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. Damn her natural 'heart on sleeve' way, only being made worse by the stupid hormones, she didn't want to cry, not now, but it was coming and she couldn't control it. She began to sob, trying to be as quiet as possible, with each few sobs she drew in a sharp intake of air, desperately trying to calm herself and remain still, she was not succeeding.

"Vera?" Joan queried, she wasn't sure if Vera was crying or she was dreaming it. Joan retightened her grip on Vera, squeezing her leg around her, pulling her closer. 

Vera held her breath. She didn't want Joan to know she was upset. 

Not being able to hold it for very long she let out a long sob and the tears flooded down her cheeks. 

"Vera, what's wrong?," Joan sounding more concerned. 

Still Vera didn't speak.

Joan removed her left arm from Vera, allowing her to reach back and switch on the bedside light. She tried to turn Vera towards her but Vera resisted. 

"Please talk to me, what's wrong Vera?" Joan was beginning to worry.

Vera tried to resist Joan turning her over to face her, but she knew Joan was stronger so her resistance would only be futile. She allowed Joan to roll her over on her 3rd attempt, she couldn't bring herself to look at her, casting her eyes down as tears continued to flow. 

Joan couldn't grasp why Vera was so upset, she felt a twisting feeling of unrest from the pit of her stomach. Whenever Vera was upset she would usually manage to explain why, what, how and when before the inevitable waterworks would start. This was different.

"Hey, what's this about?"

"What's wrong?"

"Please talk to me?"

"Say something?"

"You're worrying me."

"Are you ok?"

"Has something happened?"

"Is it you?"

"Is it the baby?" 

Joan's questions came in quick succession and Vera failed to respond to any of them, heavy sobs still coming from her small frame. Joan's fingertips brushed away the tears as quickly as new ones formed, the tears teetered on Vera's lower eyelids before spilling out, over and over, a relentless flow of pent up emotions. 

"Oh god it's the baby, Vera what's happened?" Joan was panicking now. Her mind was a fury of activity, what to do, what to do she thought. She wanted to touch and caress Vera's bump, but the fear plaguing her that something was wrong within that bump halted her. Hesitant hands seemed suddenly displaced, twitching to break this space between them.

She tilted Vera's chin up to look at her face. Vera swallowed hard as she saw the look of worry on Joan's face. Joan's eyes, darker than usual, swam with a look of something arcane, was it fear? Vera dug her own nails into her palm, attempting to shock herself into saying something, anything at this point was better than watching Joan come undone. 

"It's not the baby," Vera whispered between whimpers. 

Joan's brows furrowed, "So tell me what it is, talk to me." 

"You won't understand," Vera replied, not sure she could have the conversation about their sex life, feeling too overcome and confused. Not sure what to say. Wishing Joan had not woken. Not sure how to rectify the situation now she had caused Joan to worry that there was something really seriously wrong. 

"Try me." Joan tried to sound soothing, but she was aware her annoyance that Vera was keeping something from her was creeping through. 

Joan attempted to calm Vera by stroking her arms. It was one thing feeling in control of Vera's happiness but it was totally disconcerting to be out of control when it came to her sadness. She didn't ever want to see Vera like this and it perturbed her more so that it would be putting stress on her body, the baby. 

"You.. you.. don't." Vera managed before finding herself unable to continue. Her dehydrated tongue felt rough as it scraped her teeth, yet her eyes remained fully lubricated in stark contrast to the dryness of her mouth. 

"I don't what? Vera tell me for goodness sake," Joan retorted. She could feel tension in her body rising, angry with herself for not being in charge of this situation.

Vera knew she was pushing Joan to her limits, she knew Joan couldn't cope with not knowing why she was so upset, she knew Joan would be out of her depth right now. 

Vera took a deep breath, "You don't want me anymore." The words tumbled out at great speed, she immediately wanted to press rewind and retract the 5 words back, she feared for Joan's reaction. She wasn't scared of her, she was scared of hurting her.

Joan's hands stilled and she glared at Vera. "I don't want you, what an earth are you on about?"

Vera still regretting her words, the can of worms now open, immediately tilting her head downwards, an automatic reflex to Joan's penetrating eyes, too much at that moment. Joan's hands withdrew from Vera's tear stained cheeks. 

"You just don't seem to want me anymore." Vera screwed her eyes, the impending retaliation blow from her now scorned lover would come soon, drawing her knees up to her chest the best she could, she cuddled herself. Ever so slightly rocking in an attempt to self sooth, removing herself from the present. 

"Of course I want you, where are you getting this from?" Joan tried to lower her tone even though she found this situation exasperating. 

Vera didn't say anything. 

"I want you.. I've always wanted you... I'll always want you." Joan still trying to calm herself down as she spoke. 

"Vera I love you, please explain." Joan didn't know what else to say. 

Still Vera didn't respond.

She grasped Vera's cheeks and drew her head upwards, "I L-o-v-e Y-o-u" she sounded the words out slowly and meaningfully. 

Vera watched the words flow from Joan's lips, unsure how to continue this conversation, unsure how to explain her feelings, her concerns.

Trying to muster the courage, she allowed the words circling in her head to come out, "then why won't you make love to me, why do you keep avoiding it?" She pulled her head back from Joan's grip. 

"I'm not avoiding it." Joan was still at a loss as to where this was all coming from. 

"You didn't even care that I wasn't naked tonight," Vera blurted out. 

"I'm sorry I didn't realise we were playing a game Vera, be so kind to leave the rule book out next time so I can keep up," sarcasm lacing Joan's reply. She didn't want to be annoyed with Vera but none of this made sense, it was indeed annoying Joan. 

"This isn't a game to me." Vera was frustrated by Joan's response.

Managing to silence her sobs, Vera began to explain, "well today, earlier, you started here in the bedroom and then you made an excuse to stop, you said you would make it up to me," Vera paused briefly before continuing, "then tonight you rejected me..."

"I did not reject you Vera, all I wanted was to complete the outstanding file reviews so that we could have the whole weekend together, as much as I hate bringing work home these days, unfortunately it's inevitable when I'm not putting in the same hours as before. You are the reason I don't want to spend extra time at work, those four walls, my previous sanctuary, pale in comparison to the sanctuary that we have together. I want to spend that time with you, sometimes I have to put a few extra hours in, but believe me, I would rather be spending that time with you," Joan explained.

"And earlier I only stopped because I thought you would benefit from the pillow tonight, I was thinking of you." 

"You can't seriously believe I don't want that with you anymore, I want you more than ever." Joan's tone carrying her sincerity.

"I've respected your varying desire over the last 6 or 7 months, I've never wanted to push you or put pressure on you and if that has ever led you to believe that I no longer want you or fuelled your doubts tonight then for that I am deeply regretful." Joan desperately wanted Vera to understand.

Slowly realising she had probably made a fool out of herself, that she was concocting some crazy scenario that wasn't real, Vera once again began to bathe her raw cheeks in a salty stream. 

Joan shifted up their bed, resting against the headboard, she pulled Vera into her lap and cradled the smaller woman whilst she let her emotions go. Joan held her, watching her, stroking her hair tenderly. 

Minutes past until Vera finally regained composure, "Joan?"

"Yes Vera." Joan was relieved that Vera had stopped crying. 

"I'm sorry," Vera said in such a small voice.

"You don't need to be sorry, just promise me you will talk to me, don't bottle these things up and then imagine things that really aren't happening." Joan's voice sounded serene as she spoke, soothing Vera.

"I promise," Vera replied, letting a heavy breath that she didn't realise she was holding leave her body. 

"You know I'm not good at these things, relationships, feelings, expressing feelings, understanding your feelings." Joan struggled to say those words, ashamed that she didn't feel proficient in that area, it was her weakness. 

"I should have just talked to you, I know you don't find all aspects of us easy, I shouldn't expect that you would know what I was feeling." Vera also almost ashamed of how she had dealt with it all. 

Joan moved back down the bed, still holding Vera, she carefully lifted Vera's vest top up and over her head. Then her fingers delicately tugged her shorts over her bum and down her thighs, Vera aiding by wiggling her legs free. 

"Hmm that's better, I love the feel of your skin on mine." Joan's voice was smooth and low.

Joan pulled Vera in tight to her, fitting together like a jigsaw, three pieces, Joan, Vera and the bump, she kissed Vera's forehead, her lips lingering before speaking, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Vera replied sleepily.

Tonight's emotional turmoil had exhausted Vera. That combined with Joan's embrace, the steady rise and fall of her chest, just below where Vera's head rested, was drawing her ever closer to sleep. 

"I've got you Vera, I've always got you," were the final words Vera heard before she drifted off.


	4. Chapter 4

Vera hadn't noticed Joan leave the bed, in fact she hadn't stirred all night, her body still curled on her side, arms tightly pulled to her chest. Her eyes gently became accustomed to the morning sun cascading through the curtain gap, her ears registered a morning bird song and her nostrils sensed that some culinary delight was near. She stretched out, as long as she could make her tiny form, accompanied by a deep moan. Bringing herself to a sitting position, resting against the headboard, she studied the room, her mind replaying last night, oh how she had got it so wrong, her cheeks flushed a little as she felt embarrassed at the scene she had created. Next to her was a mug of coffee and a plate of delicately arranged pancakes, laced with what she guessed was maple syrup with a scattering of blueberries, raspberries and strawberries. She inhaled through her nose and then sighed happily. Reaching out for the mug she realised it was still warm, Joan couldn't have been here that long ago, she wondered how long she had watched her sleeping before leaving again. 

Vera took her time enjoying her breakfast in bed, part of her wanted to delay seeing Joan, apprehensive to what she would find, would she be slightly off after last night. Opening the wardrobe she grabbed a fresh pair of loose fitting lounge shorts, her new preferred choice of bottoms, they sat neatly under her bump, not digging in or irritating her in anyway. Vera paired them with a tight fitting stretchy t-shirt, she mused at how it showed off her new found curves, the two items left a strip of skin exposed, a couple of inches wide, where they didn't quite meet to contain the bump. Hesitating as she took her phone from her bedside, she went to slip it in her pocket but refrained, turning the camera on she snapped a photo of her figure. It was something she wished she did more of but it always made her feel a little self conscious, Joan would always encourage her to take more photos of her body, Vera made a decision to take one photo a week at least from now on.

Venturing downstairs she clocked Joan sat cross legged on the sofa, laptop on the coffee table, she wore loose fitting jogging bottoms and a sports t-shirt, Vera wondered how long she had actually been up, guessing she had at least done some morning yoga as well as preparing Vera's breakfast. It was an odd one, both of them were interested in yoga yet they never participated together, Joan preferred the privacy and solidarity of her own home, whereas Vera preferred attending classes, following someone else's lead. Aqua yoga had become a welcome weekly ritual. 

Hesitantly Vera stayed perfectly still just watching Joan, wanting to stay unnoticed for a few moments longer.

"Good morning Vera." Joan broke Vera's thoughts.

Vera smirked, Joan knew this house like the back of her hand, she knew every sound it made, of course she could sense Vera in the room. 

Perching herself next to Joan she studied the laptop screen, "thank you for my breakfast, it was delicious," Vera spoke whilst still trying to assess what Joan was researching, she knew it wasn't work as Joan meticulously kept that within the office. There were several open tabs. 

"I've looked at some nursery furniture sets, there's a few options, take a look." Joan passed Vera the laptop, "I'm just going to grab a quick shower, I didn't want to disturb you earlier." 

Vera scrolled through the pages, settling on a 3 piece solid white set, cot, chest of drawers and changing table, 'Emporium Sleigh Cot Package'. It was what she had dreamt of, traditional and almost elegant, she had an inclination Joan would be happy with that too.

Vera wandered over to the dresser in their lounge, she knelt down and opened the little door, inside was a plain box, slightly bigger than a shoe box. Returning to sit on the sofa, she tucked her legs up beside her and opened the box, inside there were memories and mementos of their pregnancy so far. 

She flicked slowly through the photos, letters and paperwork, the only other object inside the box was the positive pregnancy test, sealed and enclosed inside a ziplock bag, Vera remembered how torn Joan seemed over keeping such an item, sentimentally she wanted them to remember that morning, but it bothered her greatly that it was so unsanitary. 

Her fingertips traced over the tiny features on the scan photos, her heart swelled and she looked down at her bump, overcome with excitement and happiness, how quickly they seemed to arrive at this point, nearing the end of the countdown to meet their baby. 

Vera took out some of the letters. They had chosen, well Joan had chosen the most suitable and well respected clinic in Victoria. The overall process had felt so clinical and detached from being in love and starting a family, there were consultations, medical tests, nurse appointments, extensive form filling and screening. Probably the hardest part was the mandatory counselling they both had to attend as a couple, Vera was relieved that they didn't delve too far into their pasts, knowing Joan would struggle greatly to discuss her own childhood with a stranger. She vividly remembered Joan scoffing at the idea that she could be the one to carry the baby, not Vera. 

The actual process had to tie in with Vera's natural cycle, once that was established the date was set. When the day came, they allowed Joan to stay with Vera, although Vera insisted she would be ok by herself, but deep down she did want Joan there, the procedure signified the first real step. Even now the term 'artificial insemination' seemed far too sterile, the letter described it similar in length of time and amount of discomfort as a routine smear test, although the only real memory embedded in Vera's mind from that day was Joan holding her hand and stroking her forehead. 

Still in her own little world of exploring their memory box, Vera barely noticed Joan sitting beside her, she picked up the bag containing the pregnancy test and smiled. 

"I remember this day so well," Joan began, Vera turned to her, listening intently, enjoying Joan reminisce about that morning. 

"You said you couldn't pee under my intense stare and made me wait in the bedroom, it felt like an eternity. You looked so timid as you reappear from the ensuite. I remember holding you, sat between my legs on our bed, my hands over yours as you held the test, us both just staring, waiting for that screen to change. I don't think I breathed for the entire time, I daren't look away." Joan took Vera's hands into her own before continuing.

"The moment that display changed, my life changed forever, the remaining chains began to unravel from my heart, knowing I would have to allow room for not just you, but for our child. I held you tight and closed my eyes, not wanting it to be a dream." Her eyes closed in reciting that memory. 

"I never thought I could ever be happy in this way Vera, I never thought I would feel this level of fulfilment, I never thought I would be a parent. Thank you for giving me everything and for never giving up on me." As the last syllable left her lips Vera noticed a tiny pearl like droplet escape from the corner of Joan's closed brown eyes. 

She reached out to touch the tear, "you're crying." Vera felt like she was stating the obvious. 

Joan didn't open her eyes just yet, "tears of happiness, just like the morning of the test." 

"I didn't realise you shed a tear then too, I've never seen you cry." Vera felt an overwhelming sense of trust from Joan that she was letting her see this moment. 

A few seconds past before Joan opened her eyes to look at Vera, she dropped the test back in the box and pulled her closer, "you're the one who has broken down my walls and allowed me to feel, allowed me to experience such joy." 

Vera not sure this was the most appropriate time to bring it up, said "I'm sorry about last night, I really am." Joan brought her index finger up to Vera's lips, pressing gently against them. 

"Shh, I will hear no more about the matter." 

Vera wanted to say more but she understood, Joan wanted to forget it and move on, Vera did too. She remembered what she was originally doing before becoming distracted. 

"I've picked my favourite," she said excitedly, pointing to the laptop. 

Joan placed the laptop on her lap and studied Vera's choice. "It's beautiful, I'm glad you've gone for something traditional, I much prefer it to the more modern stuff. I'll order it today, delivery only takes a couple of weeks," she spoke already adding the item to the basket and filling out the delivery details. 

Vera started to tidy up and place everything neatly back into the memories box, Joan stilled her hand as she was holding the 12 week scan. 

"One of the best days seeing our baby moving inside you and knowing he or she was perfect," Joan smiled.

"I'll never forget it either. I'm sure the sonographer won't either.. the way you interrogated her." Vera giggled thinking back to how nervous Joan made the kind, unsuspecting lady, Vera swore her voice became jittery as she tried to answer all of Joan's questions. Joan had this way of intimidating pretty much everyone she thought. 

"I endeavour to be thorough Vera, in everything I'm involved in," Joan smirked, knowing the effect she had on certain people. 

"Do you ever wish we had found the sex out?" Vera questioned. 

"We would have, if you had wanted that. You know that it wasn't my natural choice to not know, but it was what you wanted. I wanted what you wanted." 

"I know you like to be in control," Vera playfully replied. "What is it you tell me, knowledge is power?"

"It is indeed my love," Joan grinned.

"Can we watch a film, I just want to snuggle up and relax with you for a bit? Then maybe we can go out for lunch?" Vera asked expectantly. 

"Of course my dear," Joan reached for the remote before leaning back into the sofa, beckoning Vera to join her.

"What do you want to watch?" Joan asked.

"Anything happy and whimsical, maybe something Disney?" Vera replied eagerly. 

Joan flicked through the on demand films, settling over Mary Poppins. 

"Does this suit?" She asked Vera.

"Yes, thank you," Vera replied, resting her head into Joan's lap, her arm holding on to one of Joan's strong thighs. 

She wondered if they would be watching Disney films as a family of three in the future, she hoped so. 

Vera had drifted off during the film, Joan carefully extract her legs from under Vera and delicately laid her head back on the sofa, she grabbed a throw and gently covered her. Joan didn't want to wake Vera, she made herself some lunch and pottered around in the garden, catching up on neglected tasks. 

It was mid afternoon when Vera woke, she realised she must have been asleep a while, her plan for lunch and a walk would have to wait until tomorrow. 

She ventured outside into the garden, spotting Joan tending to some of the flowerbeds, Joan had always liked to garden, it was definitely more of a passion for her than Vera. Although Vera had eagerly wanted to learn and became involved soon after she moved in, always wanting to be mentored by Joan in some way and enjoying learning about something that Joan was keenly interested in. Vera sat on the bench positioned at the back of the patio, it overlooked the whole garden, she didn't want to disturb Joan, happy to observe. Vera stretched, pushing her bump outwards and tilting her head back, it was fairly warm outside, the sun beating down on her exposed skin felt divine, she continued to watch Joan with her head resting back, through half open eyes.

She smiled when she saw Joan pausing her activities and making her way up the garden towards her, removing her gloves as she approached the bench. Stopping, she knelt down in front of Vera, raising the hem of her t-shirt even more until the elastic retracted back and exposed her whole bump, the t-shirt sat ruffled under her bra. Vera's smile grew larger, wondering what Joan was doing, she had a playful look in her eyes, part of her wanted to feel a little foolish in this position, but then no one could see them, the garden wasn't overlooked. Joan sat back on her knees and ran her hands over Vera's toned thighs, moving higher, making their way to either side of the bump she splayed her fingers and pressed gently. Leaning forward she kissed just below Vera's belly button, she then trailed steady kisses down, following the dark line that had started to appear some weeks ago, then back up again, over Vera's belly button and all the way up to the top of the bump. Parting her lips from Vera's skin, she looked up, "This line is called a Linea Nigra, it's caused by the change in hormones." Her left index finger traced all the way back down it, stopping at the top of Vera's pubic bone. She then kissed all the way up again, now leaving a glistening path where she had been. Her mouth reattached to Vera's belly button and and she gently sucked, her tongue swirling round, darting in and out. Vera shivered a little, "that tickles." 

Joan stopped and sat back on her knees again, "I don't think it'll be long before your belly button pops out, it's getting shallower." A joyful glint still in Joan's eyes. 

Leaning forward her lips hoovering over the bump, "you're going to give mummy an outie soon little one." 

"Something has got to give soon, I don't feel like I can stretch any bigger," Vera replied in a happy tone, still amused by the sight of Joan on her knees in front of her, fondling her bump. 

She grasped one of Joan's hands, "press here," hoovering above the right side of her bump. 

"Are you sure, I don't want to hurt you, well either of you." Joan was hesitant. 

"I'm sure, here." She guided Joan's hand, rolling it flat palmed into her side.

"Can you feel that," Vera asked, already knowing by Joan's elated facial expression that she could. 

"Yes." Joan looked like the cat that got the cream. 

"I think it's a bottom," Vera said amused. 

"May I?" Joan asked, indicating she wanted to further palpate around Vera's bump. 

"Of course, you don't need to ask," Vera smiled.

She watched as Joan tentatively moved her hand around the bump, pressing tenderly, exploring every inch, "It's amazing Vera, it's just wonderful." 

"You're both so precious to me," Joan pursed her lips and kissed Vera's tummy one last time before standing up, taking Vera's hand, "come, I want to show you what I've been doing." Leading her off down the garden where she had been working.


	5. Chapter 5

Vera had just finished undressing, she had spent the remainder of the afternoon in the garden with Joan, they had returned inside for a late light dinner before retiring upstairs for the night. Joan entered the bedroom from the ensuite, Vera thought to herself how Joan managed to always radiate gracefulness in the way she moved, "your bath is ready," Joan spoke softly, as she stood in front of Vera, both of them nude.

"Will you join me?" Vera asked, trying to be slightly provocative, hands on her hips, pushing her chest out. 

"I thought you would never ask," Joan replied. She placed her hand on Vera's butt and guided her into the ensuite, squeezing her cheek playfully as they walked. 

The ensuite was massive, grand, just like Vera had imagined the first time she stayed at Joan's. A full size bathtub and a separate double shower accompanied a large sink and toilet. Fluffy towels were placed over the towel warmer, the lighting was low and Joan had lit several of their scented pillar candles, softly illuminating precise areas around the bathtub. Vera felt a wave of childish excitement wash over her, still in awe that this was her life now, her life with Joan, the notion still made her giddy. 

Joan held her hand out to support Vera getting into the bathtub, Vera stepped in, as graciously as she could, her bump altering her centre of gravity, she squeezed Joan's hand, stabilising herself, Joan grinned at Vera's tightening grip as Vera sank into the warm water and lavish bubbles. Vera knew Joan was careful not to make it too hot, her head turned to watch as Joan lifted her leg to join her in the bath, Vera's eyes fixated at the apex of her milky thighs, her neatly trimmed curls, Joan kept even that meticulously tidy. Vera felt her sex involuntarily contract between her legs as she leant forward ever so slightly to allow Joan to elegantly slide down behind her, her legs either side of Vera, she could feel Joan tight against her back, her full breasts pressed against her, feeling Joan's nipples tightening at their body contact. 

Joan's arms came round to embrace Vera, her hands roamed over Vera's tender breasts, over her bump, down to her thighs, reacquainting herself with every inch of Vera's body. Vera sighed contently, pushing herself harder back into Joan. Joan began to kiss Vera's neck, never breaking contact, sucking and dragging her tongue along delectable skin as she worked down Vera's collarbone and shoulder, resisting the primal urge to nip and bite, tonight was not about making her mark. Vera elongated her neck, tilting her head away from Joan's affections, allowing Joan greater access, once satisfied she had covered one side with passionate kisses, she moved to the other side and once again Vera tilted her head to the opposite side. 

Vera felt her body becoming flush as Joan's hands cupped her breasts, once a humble size, now engorged by the effects of pregnancy, Joan took their new found weight easily in her large palms and rolled Vera's already erect nipples between her thumbs and forefingers, Vera let a small whimper out and Joan moaned in response.

Needing to busy her hands, desperate to touch herself, Vera found Joan's long limbs, her nails raked the length of warm submerged skin, the firmness of touch conveying her heightening arousal. 

Joan's hands left swollen breasts to take residence at tense shoulders, Vera shivered at the sudden loss of contact and the warm air enveloped her hard nipples, again her sex twitched. Skilled thumbs made firm circles on either side of Vera's spine as fingers fed taut muscles into eager palms, working away the tension. Vera lolled forward, allowing small sounds to escape her mouth in response to Joan's dextrous handiwork. 

Vera's breathing hitched as she felt plump lips make contact with her ear, rhythmically sucking and licking her lobe in time with the continuing massage. 

Vera felt the overwhelming need of Joan's attentions to quell the building throb between her legs, knowing she was already exceptionally wet, she parted her lips, "take me to bed... please, I need you to take me to bed Joan." Her voice husky and thick through her heavy breathing.

Joan silently helped Vera from the bath, strong arms positioning Vera in front of the sink, facing her, using her thigh she nudged between Vera's legs, splaying them slightly. The sensation of wet skin gliding against Vera's crotch caused Vera to bite her lip, stifling her impending moan, wanting to reach out and touch Joan, wanting to touch herself, but knowing right now she should stay still unless Joan indicated otherwise. Delayed gratification, good things come to those who wait. 

Still Joan didn't speak, Vera swore she could hear her own heart beating, heady with arousal, she reached back, grasping the cool porcelain to steady herself. Joan crouched and began to dry Vera, starting at her feet, working upwards, it was the towel, not skilled fingers, that made contact with Vera's skin, snaking slowly upwards, over every inch of damp flesh, avoiding spending too long on Vera's most erogenous zones, knowing she was teasing an already hot Vera. 

Standing, bodies millimetres apart, Joan reached round to gently towel dry Vera's hair, Vera gulped as Joan's breasts came tantalisingly close to her face, wanting desperately to take hard nipples into her mouth. Vera marvelled in the fact that Joan was obviously just as aroused and yet her self control was impeccable. 

Vera felt like her crotch was dripping, she wished her legs weren't parted so she could tense her thighs together in a bid to alleviate the hammering thrum, she repeated the mantra of 'good things come to those who wait' in her head.

There was nothing rushed about Joan's actions, no touch haphazardly placed, she was confident, she was dominant. Joan led Vera into the bedroom, she arranged some of the pillows on their bed so Vera could lean back but still be supported, cautious that Vera shouldn't lie flat on her back at this stage in her pregnancy, not wanting to risk her feeling dizzy. 

'Get on the bed... now," Joan's voice was soft but assertive. Vera felt herself shiver at the instruction, the first words Joan had spoken in what seemed like an eternity, not hesitating she climbed onto their bed and led back. Joan moved onto the bed between Vera's legs, grasping Vera’s feet and planting them against the covers and pushing her knees outwards. She could see Vera's swollen lips were glistening with her plentiful wetness. She looked up, "Vera don't look away, I want you to watch me whilst I touch you." 

Vera looked at Joan, her pupils dilating, she was panting with desire and Joan hadn't even touched her properly yet, "take me," two simple words tumbled from Vera's sweet mouth, not that Joan needed any encouragement or direction. 

Fingernails glided through Vera's damp thatch, tracing over outer lips, all the way to her inner thighs, she watched as the sensation caused goosebumps to appear on Vera's toned legs. Using her thumb to brush Vera's slit, pressing to part her lips, Joan gained access, Vera moaned as Joan held their eye contact. Vera pushed her hips upwards, wanting more. 

Joan circled Vera's entrance with a single finger, sliding easily inside Vera, "more," Vera panted and felt a second finger join the first, penetrating her, Vera tightened around them, Joan thrust slow and deep, "more, I need more," Vera continued, her hips already beginning to rock against Joan's hand.

"Yes ahhh," Vera gasped as she felt Joan's third finger inside her. Her nerve endings were tingling, blood rushing between her legs, Joan continued her slow and deep pace, now stroking Vera in a come hither motion, Vera's hips undulating against Joan's hand, chasing her own release, her walls clenching, wanting Joan to increase her pace, Joan remained steady.

Vera panted louder, desperately seeking more, she began to play with her own erect nipples, she felt the heat rising in her body, her breasts had become so much more sensitive since being pregnant. 

Joan watched Vera's body writhing with pleasure in front of her, she knew Vera was becoming impatient, needing to orgasm. She wanted to take Vera there as slowly as possible, only increasing her pace ever so slightly, "yes Joan, please, please, more," Vera begged, head now pushed back into the pillows, half lidded eyes caught the smirk on Joan's face, knowing she was enjoying Vera start to beg for her release, relishing being the one in control of Vera's need. 

Joan could tell that Vera's sex was now aching, feeling how swollen her lips were, she swiped her thumb over Vera's clit, causing Vera to temporarily still and clamp tight around Joan's fingers, moaning loudly at the sensation of the sudden contact.

Joan moved her fingers deeper and faster, her thumb circled round Vera's clit, whilst Vera tugged and crushed her own nipples repeatedly. The triple assault on her wanton body was bringing her rapidly nearer to her reward. Using her free hand Joan steadied one of Vera's knees, which were shaking in anticipation of her mounting climax. 

"Come for me Vera, let go and come for me," Joan spoke so low and ragged that Vera almost had to lip read the words, it was a sensuous instruction, but a command nevertheless.

Joan's thumb took one last firm pass against Vera's throbbing clit, Vera gasped, desperately seeking any remaining oxygen in the room and started to tremble as the beginnings of her orgasm coursed through her body, she stopped fondling her own breasts and grabbed clutches of the bedding as she rode out each wave of unimaginable pleasure. Joan's fingers pressed firmly against her swollen g spot as she came hard and long, moaning Joan's name over and over, signalling her release. 

Joan slowly removed her fingers from Vera's spent sex, feeling after waves of pleasure twitching from within Vera. 

"Come here," Vera said breathlessly, beckoning Joan upwards. Joan rose up to meet her satisfied lover, glistening with a sheen of sweat across her body. Joan kissed her deeply and Vera pulled her head in closer, tongues merging as their passion intertwined. 

"Mmmmmmm," Vera moaned into Joan's mouth, parting to nuzzle Joan's nose, "I love you, that was amazing." They both knew that 'amazing' didn't quite describe the level of sexual euphoria that Vera had discovered since they became lovers, but it was all she could muster in her post orgasmic state.

Joan held Vera whilst she regained her senses, her fingertips caressing the curves of Vera's body, the lightest of touches. When Vera had composed her breathing she moved over to straddle Joan, she leant forward and took a nipple into her mouth, sucking deeply, Joan couldn't help but watch Vera's lips forming a perfect seal as her head bobbed, Vera alternated between each breast. Her sucking became harder and she started to nip the erect tissue with her teeth, Joan, still watching, groaned at Vera's actions. 

Vera could feel Joan lifting her hips upwards, trying to create a friction between them, attempting to grind her sex against Vera's. 

Vera resisted for a few moments longer, tugging Joan's nipples between her teeth, looking up as she did, Joan's nipples now becoming red and swollen under Vera's relentless tweaking, the sight of Vera being so passionately rough with her breasts was making her legs quiver, a distinct throbbing increasing between them, slick wetness becoming more prominent. 

Joan's nostrils flared as she inhaled, trying to calm her now heavy breathing. "Vera," she rasped, grinding herself harder against Vera. Vera took this as a cue that she needed to become attentive between Joan's legs. She scurried down the bed, trying not to appear too eager to please. 

Using her hands delicately, she opened Joan's puffy lips, holding them apart, her face centimetres from Joan's sex, she swore she could see it pulsating. She inhaled deeply through her nose, Joan's musk flooding her olfactory system, evoking memories of every prior encounter, causing her own arousal to rise again. 

"You're so very wet." Vera's breath hit the exposed flesh, causing it to twitch. Joan used her hands, pushing Vera's head towards her core. She didn't want to hear Vera, she needed to feel her and she needed it now. 

Vera used a flat tongue and licked the length of Joan's sex. She moaned into her, revelling in the sweet taste that she loved. Vera continued, placing her tongue over Joan's entrance, dragging it all the way up and over Joan's clit, repeating the same fluid motion again and again, pressure increasing ever so slightly with each drawn out pass. 

Joan relished Vera's avidity to build her orgasm gradually, Vera hadn't always been so skilled at the slow build, but her eagerness to learn, had served them both well. 

Once Vera suspected that Joan's swollen clit was extremely sensitive from her ministrations she turned her attentions to sucking Joan's lips, causing Joan to moan hard, her hands still entwined in Vera's hair. 

Knowing that Joan's pumped sex would be throbbing, Vera thrust her tongue inside Joan, her actions being met with Joan's hips moving towards her, they continued in that rhythm, two lovers matched in intensity of their actions. 

Vera, feeling that Joan was tightening on her tongue in a steady pattern, withdrew and covered Joan's clit with her mouth, gently sucking as her tongue flicked repeatedly over the same spot. 

She knew Joan was close by the noises escaping from her mouth, never one to become completely undone and overtly vocal during their love making, this caused Vera to hum contently as she continued. 

Joan began to moan slightly louder, lips now parted, one hand reaching for Vera's, fingers interlacing as her body tingled, her orgasm about to crest, she squeezed Vera's hand, "Ohhh Vera, moya dusha," came the words slow and long as she came. The same words Joan would always use during their love making, not in the very beginning, but for as long as Vera could remember since they had declared their feelings to one another. 'Vera, moya dusha', Joan had described it to Vera as meaning 'my soul or my heart'. 

Vera didn't break contact until she knew that Joan's orgasm had completely dissipated, she licked over her entire sex once more, savouring every touch as Joan squirmed, her sensitivity peaking.

They both led facing each other, this time Vera's leg hung over Joan's hip and Joan's hand possessively held the back of Vera's thigh. 

Joan gazed at Vera with a look that Vera felt would positively devour her whole if it could, body, mind and soul up for the taking, an air of satisfied desire hung in the room. 

"Ya lyublyu tebya," soft words came from Joan. The words for I love you in Russian, Joan only ever spoke Russian to Vera in the throws of passion or just after, even then it was only a select few phrases.

"I love you too," Vera responded tender and sincere.

They stayed cuddled together, Joan's extra length enabling her to curl around Vera's bump, waiting for sleep to take hold of their sated bodies. 

"Joan?" Vera asked in a warm voice. 

"Mmmm," Joan responded.

"Will you teach our child Russian?"

A long pause followed. 

"Maybe... I," Joan sounded unsure. 

Vera brought her hand up to cup Joan's cheek, signalling her to try and continue. 

"It's bittersweet for me Vera, I'm not sure, I'll think about it, for you," her voice carried a pained undertone.

Vera knew not to push Joan, she nodded softly and reached forward, her still swollen lips catching Joan's bottom lip and kissing it soothingly, before snuggling under Joan's chin and closing her eyes. 

"Sleep my beautiful, Bayushki bayu," Joan repeated several times softly. Vera knew the phrase, Joan had shared it with her before, it was used to lull babies to sleep in Russia. Joan closed her eyes and remembered her own mother using the same words, 'Bayushki bayu', as she too drifted into the night.


	6. Chapter 6

Vera woke with the recently more familiar feeling of needing the toilet, she had long forgotten what it was like to sleep through the night, between her hips and bladder, she felt like her body was preparing her for the arrival of sleepless nights. Still embodied in Joan's embrace of warmth and strength she contemplated ignoring the sensation and closing her eyes again, not wanting to move. She reached up and tucked a few strands of dark hair behind Joan's ear, taking in the beauty of her whole face, delicately illuminated by the slither of moonlight filtering into their room. Vera watched Joan sleeping for a few minutes, she looked so peaceful and contented, so much softer when she was relaxed Vera thought.   

Not being able to ignore her bladder's urgent need anymore, Vera edged herself backwards and out of the bed. She could, by now, easily navigate the route in the dark and soon tiptoed back to her side of the bed, picking up the body pillow from the floor and rejoining Joan. Her hips aching, she wrapped herself around the long pillow, alleviating some of the pressure, she wiggled backwards pushing into Joan. Joan stirred not fully waking, wrapping her arms around Vera, pulling her in tightly, she nuzzled into the back of Vera's head, inhaling deeply as she returned to her heavy sleep. 

The next time Vera woke it was morning, her eyes focusing on the alarm clock, Joan's arms were still around her. She replayed the events of last night in her head, smiling to herself, confirming that everything was ok, everything between them was in fact pretty perfect she thought. 

It was unusual for Vera to be the first one awake, she turned to face Joan, pulling the covers down slightly, exposing their shoulders, upper arms and breasts. Joan stirred slightly and Vera watched subtle twitches of her facial features, she smiled to herself, her eyes moving downwards towards Joan's exposed chest, she felt aroused, a warm flush spread through her body. Vera didn't often feel bold enough to initiate intimacy first thing in the morning, when Joan was asleep, but Joan had done that with her before and she thought back to how much it turned her on to be woken up in that way, how hot it made her feel. She took her fleeting moment of confidence and reached forward, her lips making contact with Joan's nipple, she sucked rhythmically. Vera closed her eyes and concentrated on her actions, her tongue swirled over the now erect tip. She listened intently as she heard Joan's breathing change, now heavy, her chest rising and falling more prominently, she thought she could hear the quietest of moans as she continued.   

Vera tilted her head backwards, replacing her mouth with her forefinger and thumb, easily rolling the wet nub between them. She looked up at Joan, her eyes were still closed, but her cheeks had gained a rosy colour, her nostrils were flared as she breathed, this fuelled Vera to continue.  

She massaged Joan’s breast firmly then trailed her hand down Joan's side and rested it between her legs, against damp curls. 

"Vera," Joan parted her lips to let the single word escape, eyes still closed, retracting her hips backwards slightly, breaking Vera's contact. 

Vera furrowed her brows in confusion. 

"Please Joan, let me, let me make you feel good," Vera responded, her last strand of confidence used.  

Vera, taking a deep breath, leant forward and placed her teeth either side of Joan's nipple, with even pressure she tugged slightly and then sucked hard.  

'Ohhh," Joan gasped quietly and pushed forward back into Vera's hand.  

Vera too afraid to look up again, took this as a sign to continue what she had started. Her head still tightly nuzzled into Joan's breast. She moved her hand, cupping Joan, sliding her fingers back and forth, coating them in wetness before settling her fingertips over Joan's clit.  

She tenderly circled and occasionally dragged her fingers directly over it. Joan was panting as Vera felt her encircle her wrist, guiding Vera's hand lower until her fingers slid inside. Joan released her wrist and settled her hand on Vera's hip, grasping her firmly, Vera smiled as she continued to suck Joan's nipple, Joan thrust her breast further into Vera's mouth, her back arching, head tilting backwards as she gave herself fully to Vera.  

Vera's fingers glided effortlessly in and out as she tenderly rubbed Joan's clit with her thumb. Vera could feel Joan's body tensing, knowing she was close, Joan was moaning more loudly. Vera began to rub faster, thrusting harder, Joan's palm pushed harder against Vera's hip and her fingernails dug into Vera slightly.  

Vera parted her mouth from flushed swollen skin and watched Joan's face intently. Her closed eyes screwed slightly, lips fallen open, husky deep pants escaping from them.  

"Joan, let go, let go and come for me." Vera surprised herself with how bold she was, pushing firmly against Joan's clit.  

"Ohhh Vera, ohhh moya... moya dusha," Joan husked as she dissolved into the pleasure of her orgasm.  

Vera placed open mouth kisses all over Joan's abdomen, around her breasts, over her collarbone, up her neck and finally reaching Joan's lips, she paused. 

Looking up at Joan, her eyes flickering open, locking onto Vera's, Joan's lips curling into a smile, she kissed Joan deeply. 

"Good morning, Vera," Joan spoke, still slightly breathless. 

"Someone seems rather happy or should I say horny this morning, hmm." 

"Good morning you," Vera averted her eyes as she replied, blushing slightly.  

"Why are you embarrassed?" 

"I'm not, well, I am, I don't know, sometimes I just have this urge when I look at you, I think the hormones have made me more lustful, I'm just not always sure how to act on them," She said quietly.  

"Well I think you acted on them wonderfully this morning, I'm just not always used to you waking me that way, but I could easily get used to that," Joan replied with a cheeky undertone in her voice.  

Joan reached round to hold Vera, wrapping her in an embrace.  

"Oh you could, could you?" Vera smiled.  

"Oh most definitely," Joan replied as she began to kiss Vera's neck, nibbling and sucking as Vera moaned in response.  

"Let me make us some breakfast, it's the least I can do to thank you, I'm sure you must be hungry after your exercise this morning," she winked at Vera and Vera felt herself flush again. Sometimes she disliked how transparent her emotions were to Joan.  

Vera watched Joan slip her dressing gown on and leave the room, she leant over and turned the radio on, she led there for a while and listened to the Sunday morning songs, lost in her own thoughts as the words playing filled the room. 

Vera wanted them to go out today, she could easily stay in bed longer, but she decided to get up, she turned the radio up louder so she would be able to hear it in the ensuite. She showered and washed her hair, drying herself, wrapping her hair in a towel.  

As she returned to the bedroom, Vera smiled as she recognised the lyrics playing,  

“ _I can't stop this feeling_  

 _Deep inside of me_  

 _Girl, you just don't realize_  

 _What you do to me_  

 _When you hold me_  

 _In your arms so tight_  

 _You let me know_  

 _Everything's all right_  

 _I'm hooked on a feeling_  

 _I'm high on believing_  

 _That you're in love with_ _me_ ”  

Vera swayed slightly, closing her eyes, thinking of how the words resonated with her, how she felt about Joan. Vera startled as she felt Joan wrap her arms around her from behind, she opened her eyes and smiled back at her.  

Joan sung the words into Vera's ear as they moved together in time with the music. 

"All the good love, when we're all alone. Keep it up girl. Yeah, you turn me on. I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing. That you're in love with me."  

Vera giggled shyly, she rarely saw Joan quite like this and her heart flooded with happiness and love.  

"I love you so much, I'm hooked on this feeling too," Vera said as she turned to kiss Joan, caressing her face with her hand.  

"So I'm guessing that you still want to go out today seeing as you're up and showered so early?" Joan said raising her eyebrow playfully. 

"Yes I do, I feel like I've been rather productive today already," Vera replied smiling. 

They continued to listen to the radio as Joan showered and they both got ready. Joan had laid out breakfast downstairs, as they ate they went through Vera's appointments for the next couple of weeks. Joan prided herself on being highly organised, but she always wanted to double check that she hadn't overlooked anything. They worked alongside one another at home for the remainder of the morning, catching up on household tasks.  

Joan drove them into town, Vera wanted to go to a quiet bistro for lunch, they often ate there knowing the food and service was consistently good. They parked not far from the bistro and Joan reached to interlace her fingers with Vera's, they walked hand in hand down the street. Vera remembered when Joan was more reserved about public displays of affection, she would rather not kiss or hold Vera's hand outside of their home. Joan would now confidently do these things when they were out and Vera cherished these changes in Joan.  

"After you," Joan said as she held the door open for Vera.  

They were shown to a small table near the back of the restaurant and given the menus to look at. They discussed what they would eat, agreeing on just having a main course, Vera felt that three courses would leave her feeling too tired to want to walk afterwards.  

The waiter arrived to take their order. "I'll have the king salmon, fennel and mussels," Joan said.  

"And for you madam?" The waiter turned to look at Vera as he spoke.  

"She'll have the Pork, pumpkin and braised onion," Joan spoke before Vera could.  

Vera smiled sweetly at the waiter.  

"Oh and could we have a jug of still water for the table please," Joan added. 

As the waiter walked away Vera raised her eyebrows at Joan, "I can order for myself you know."  

"I know. There's lots of things you can do for yourself, but I like to take care of you, do things for you." Joan reached across the table to Vera's hand and squeezed it as she spoke.  

Vera looked down at their hands and Joan began to trace small circles on the underside of Vera's hand.  

"I suppose, I appreciate that you want to take care of me, just sometimes it's a little much."  

"Ok, I understand. I'll try to bite my tongue in the future," Joan said softly.  

The waiter arrived back with the water and two glasses. Joan went to pour the water and Vera stopped her. 

"Let me," Vera said and smiled.  

Joan smiled back and realised these were the little things that she should let Vera do in order to feel more equal.  

"Thank you darling," Joan said. 

Their food didn't take long to arrive, Vera tucked in eagerly. She looked up and saw Joan watching her. 

"Do you want to try some?" Vera licked her lips. 

"No, I'm fine, you enjoy it," Joan responded.  

Joan let Vera pay for lunch. They had a joint account, which covered most of their regular bills and outgoings, but Vera had wanted to keep separate accounts too, to preserve some independence.  

They left the bistro, after walking a few steps, Joan reached for Vera's hand, pulling her round to hug her.  

"Thank you for lunch, it was delicious," Joan said, she reached and stroked Vera’s cheek.  

"You're welcome, thank you for letting me pay," Vera replied. 

They walked for quite a while, contently chatting about their meal, observing their surroundings and just enjoying the simplicity of an afternoon walk. They came to a park which was parallel to a large playing field.  

“Can we sit for a while?” Vera asked. 

“Of course we can," Joan said, leading Vera to a bench.  

Joan put her arm around Vera and kissed the top of her head gently. 

“Are you feeling tired?” Joan spoke softly, worried Vera had overdone it. 

“I don't feel too bad, my hips are a little sore, but after a rest I'll be ok to walk back to the car,” she leant into Joan and Joan squeezed her.  

Vera watched the people in the park and the field, there was a mixture, some families, some groups of older children, some couples. A young family caught her eye playing in the park and she sighed as she watched them laughing together, they seemed so happy.  

“What are you thinking about?” Joan asked. 

“I was just watching that family, the one with the little boy in the blue shorts, they look so happy together, don't you think?” Vera's voice was soft as she spoke.  

“They do look happy, I guess that will be us soon, running around after a toddler, playing at the park.” Joan smiled.  

“Yes, it will be,” Vera responded, but Joan sensed that Vera’s tone was lacking excitement.  

“What's wrong darling, isn't that what you want?” Joan asked, slightly concerned.  

“Oh no, I want that, I really do, just watching them, it makes me think of my childhood.” Vera paused for a moment whilst she gathered her thoughts. 

“Mum never took me to the park, she said I could go if I wanted, but she said no one would want to play with me, she said they would all laugh at me, that I was too chubby to go on the swings, I would get stuck in the slide.” Vera’s voice hitched as she recalled the hurtful words.  

“Vera, darling, your mother was very wrong to say such things to you. I'm sure the other children would have loved to have played with you.” Joan held Vera tight and rubbed her arm soothingly as she spoke.   

“What if I turn into my mother?” Vera asked quietly, casting her gaze to the floor.  

“You're nothing like your mother was, you are kind, caring, loving and beautiful beyond words, inside and out. Please don't doubt what an amazing mother you are going to make.” Joan turned towards Vera and placed her other hand on Vera’s bump. “We are both exceptionally lucky to have you in our lives, I have no hesitation whatsoever that you will be so nurturing and patient with our child.” 

“Thank you, I'm glad you believe in me,” Vera said still speaking quietly. 

Vera leant into Joan, resting her head on Joan’s chest, listening to Joan’s heartbeat was something she had always found calming and soothing. Joan kissed the top of Vera’s head again.  

“I've always believed in you and that will never change, we are in this together, trust me when I say that we will achieve great things. Don't ever be afraid to fall, I will always catch you," Joan whispered into Vera hair.  

“What about you?” Vera asked timidly.  

“What about me?” Joan replied. 

“Do you have memories of playing at the park?” Vera responded.  

There was a short silence and Vera worried that Joan wouldn't open up, Joan’s past and her childhood was such a closed off and delicate subject.  

“There weren't any parks nearby where we lived, when I was young,” Joan started. 

“The only time I went to the park was on a few occasions when I stayed with my mother’s parents, my grandparents, I don't really remember much about it, they died when I was very young.”  

“Before your mother passed?” Vera interjected curiously. 

“Yes, they both died a couple of years before my mother did. But I do remember that I was happy in those moments. That's what I will pass on to our child, those glimmers of happiness and then we will expand on them and make our own happy memories.” 

Vera placed her hand on Joan’s thigh and squeezed, acknowledging what Joan had said. 

“I'm ready to go home now,” Vera said.  

They rose from the bench and started to walk back towards the car, retracing the same route they had walked earlier in the afternoon.   

A couple of streets down they heard the telltale sound of an ice cream van.  

“Do you fancy an ice cream?” Joan suggested. 

“I’d like that,” Vera replied.  

They followed the sound until they found the ice cream van, Joan got Vera a ‘99 with a flake. She passed it to Vera.  

“I think it's criminal to have any other ice cream from the ice cream man,” Vera smiled as she licked her ice cream.  

“Don't you want one?” Vera asked puzzled.  

“I'm not too keen on eating from a cone that has been handled and touched by someone else,” Joan said.  

“They wear gloves Joan, it's perfectly safe, I've never heard of someone dying from a wafer cone,” Vera said giggling.  

“Ha! I don't mind you eating it, I would just prefer not to,” Joan replied amused. 

“Joan, do you want to lick my ice cream?” Vera asked playfully. 

“If it'll make you happy,” Joan smiled.  

As Joan leant in, Vera deliberately jolted her arm and landed ice cream on the tip of Joan’s nose.  

Vera laughed and she noticed an amused look on Joan’s face. 

“You shouldn't have done that, Vera," Joan said smirking. 

Vera leaned forward and gently sucked the ice cream off Joan’s nose.  

“Oh really, and what are you going to do about it?” Vera replied grinning.  

“Just you wait until we get home, you're in big trouble Miss Bennett,” Joan grabbed Vera’s butt as she said this and pinched playfully.  

“I quite like being in trouble with the governor,” Vera smiled and they walked back to the car.  

Vera connected her phone to the car stereo and flicked through a few tracks until she settled on a specific song, she turned the volume up and they listened as Joan drove them home.  

“ _Hell (hell), what the matter with your head (_ _head)_  

 _Hell (hell), what the matter with your mind and your sign and a_ _ohohoh_  

 _Hell (hell)_ _nothin_ _the matter with your head baby find it, come on and find it_  

 _Hell, with it baby cause you're fun and you're mine and you look so divine._  

 _Come and get your love_  

 _Come and get your love_  

 _Come and get your love_  

 _Come and get your love_ ”  

As they pulled into their driveway Joan turned to Vera chuckling.   

“Vera, I'm coming to get my love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two songs I made reference to were:
> 
> Blue Swede - Hooked on a Feeling  
> https://youtu.be/FSmgokIzQL0
> 
> Redbone - Come and Get Your Love  
> https://youtu.be/-B2zu3SOJU8


	7. Chapter 7

Vera was sat at their dining table, finishing her breakfast, she giggled as she read through the 32 weeks pregnancy update on her phone.   
    
"What's so amusing?" Joan enquired as she moved around the kitchen.   
    
"Apparently the baby is as big as a squash now; I find it amusing how it compares the size of our baby to fruit and vegetables. Last week it was a bunch of asparagus and next week it's celery. They just seem so random."   
    
Joan smiled, she enjoyed seeing Vera happy and relaxed, "What else does it tell you about this week?"   
    
Deliberately reading out the parts that she found comical, "Hmm, amongst other things, it talks about my nipples getting darker and leaky breasts, oh and the potential for me to suffer with shortness of breath."    
    
Joan raised her eyebrows, "Leaky breasts and dark nipples, my Vera it is a rather interesting app."   
    
"Well I may need you to check which symptoms seem to be applicable to me," Vera said, still giggling.    
    
Joan tried to remain straight faced, but a smirk crept through, "I'm sure that's something that could be arranged."    
    
Vera felt herself blushing slightly, changing the subject, she asked, "Are we still going straight from work to the antenatal class this evening?"    
    
“Yes, that’s still the plan, why?”   
    
“I, um, wondered if you were intending to get changed before we leave work?”   
    
“And why would that be Vera?” Joan knew exactly what Vera was hinting at but she wanted Vera to say it.   
    
“Well the uniform can be a little, you know, intimidating…”   
    
Joan leant over Vera’s shoulder and whispered in a low voice, “So… Maybe I intend to scare the shit out of everyone that attends the class.”   
    
Vera’s eyes opened a little wider, she was fairly sure Joan was joking, but she also knew that Joan would take pleasure in knowing she was unnerving the rest of the room. The last thing Vera wanted was for them to stick out and be remembered for the wrong reasons; they didn’t often do these sorts of social, public interactions.   
    
Joan let Vera contemplate her last words for a few moments before she came round to face her.   
    
“Vera, of course I’m going to change before we leave work, the clothes are already in the car.” Joan smiled sweetly as she perched on the edge of the table.   
    
“Sometimes I still don’t know when you’re joking.”   
    
“I know, I like to keep you on your toes, but I would never try and embarrass you darling. I know how anxious you are about these classes, try not to worry yourself.” Joan leant forward and gently kissed Vera’s forehead.   
    
“I am apprehensive still, I mean, I’m not exactly the youngest first time mum, I don’t feel like we will fit in. I wonder how many other same sex couples will be there.”   
    
Joan noticed Vera chewing the inside of her mouth; she did this when she was nervous. She reached out and touched Vera’s shoulder, rubbing small circles with her thumb.   
    
“Hey, stop worrying yourself, you have every right to be there, we have every right to be there and I won’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.”   
    
Joan stood up and pulled Vera closer to her, caressing the back of her head. “Everything will be fine,” she spoke softly as she squeezed Vera tightly.   
    
Easing back slightly, she looked at Vera, “We need to leave soon or we will be late for your midwife appointment.”   
    
“Looks like today is all about you, midwife appointment this morning and then antenatal class tonight,” Vera touched her bump as she spoke.   
    
“Oh, crap I’ve not done a urine sample yet, I’ll meet you in the car. My notes are by the front door,” Vera spoke hastily as she proceeded upstairs.   
    
Vera eased herself into the car, her bump making these sorts of movements less and less graceful every day; she placed the sample in the centre console and proceeded to put her seatbelt on. She noticed Joan glancing with disgust at the item.   
    
“Relax it’s double bagged, just how you like it,” Vera teased.   
    
“That’s just it, I don’t like it at all, you would have thought by now there would be less primal methods than weeing in a pot as you put it,” Joan grimaced.   
    
Vera giggled, “Just drive or we definitely will be late and you won’t like that either.”   
    
Joan compromised on her normal preference of parking away from anyone else’s car, managing to find a space nearer the entrance, pleasing Vera; although she secretly prayed that the general public would managed to not scratch or dent her car whilst they were gone.   
    
She took Vera’s hand as they entered the building, their fingers interlacing, clutching Vera’s maternity notes in her other hand. Vera could feel people watching them as they walked towards the woman’s unit, Joan looked even more statuesque walking slower than normal to meet Vera’s pace.   
    
The waiting room was fairly quiet, a few magazines and leaflets lay strewn across the centre table. Joan chose a seat near the back of the room, a better vantage point to observe people from. She undid the bottom button of her jacket before sitting down, crossing her legs, Vera checking in before joining her.   
    
The electronic screen beeped and flashed up Vera’s name, calling them to room 3.   
    
“Hello Vera, how are you doing?” The midwife said jovially as she beckoned them into the room.   
    
“Miss Ferguson, lovely to see you again.”   
    
“Please, call me Joan.”   
    
“I’m doing well, no changes from the last check-up I don’t think, only a few more pounds,” Vera replied.   
    
“We’ll do all the paperwork first then I’ll get you to lie on the bed so we can check baby’s position.”   
    
Vera sat in the chair nearest the desk and handed her notes over. Joan sat next to her.   
    
“No swelling, headaches, dizziness or itchiness since I last saw you?” The midwife began her routine line of questioning.   
    
“No, none of those.”   
    
The midwife began to write in Vera’s notes; she brought up Vera’s file on the computer.   
    
“Ah, it seems from your last blood test that your iron levels are slightly low, they’re still in the normal range, but borderline. I would recommend that you increase your iron intake via your diet. We will recheck in two weeks, it may be necessary to take additional supplements,” the midwife spoke in a calm tone.   
    
“Oh, is this going to be dangerous for the baby,” Vera asked slightly timidly.   
    
“No, it’s only borderline and it’s you that will feel any negative effects first, your body will prioritise the baby,” she said reassuringly.   
    
Joan reached over and placed her hand over Vera’s which were fidgeting in her lap. She enveloped them, stilling the slight tremble. Vera looked at their hands and then to Joan who smiled at her. Vera felt a bit better but still felt guilty that her iron levels were low.   
    
“Vera, it’s a perfectly common issue in pregnancy, some women are naturally more susceptible to it. You’re not showing any physical symptoms of anaemia which assures me that what we are doing is more a precautionary measure.” the midwife said sensing Vera’s feelings.   
    
“Let’s check your blood pressure.”   
    
The midwife eased Vera’s shirt up high enough to slip the cuff around her arm, it inflated and she took the reading.   
    
“All perfect Vera, spot on, you’ve maintained a good level of fitness and this shows,” the midwife complimented Vera.   
    
“If you make yourself comfortable I’ll just test your sample and then we can have a feel and a listen if you would like?” The midwife asked as she made her way over to the sink.   
    
“I would like that,” Vera replied as she sat on the bed, she beckoned Joan to come over to the bed and stand on the opposite side to where the midwife would stand. Joan hesitated but then joined Vera, Vera’s eyes making contact with hers, Joan seemed a bit awkward, she stood with her hands clasped in front of her and they waited.   
    
“No sign of protein, so that’s good news,” the midwife said as she disposed of the container.   
    
Joan stared, meticulously watching the midwife wash her hands, only stopping when she realised Vera had lifted her shirt up, her skirt pulled lower, she glanced down at Vera led back, her bump fully exposed.   
    
The midwife took a tape measure out and rested it at the top of Vera’s pubic bone, measuring up to the top of the bump.   
    
“32 centimetres, you’re still measuring spot on,” the midwife said smiling.   
    
Vera smiled back.   
    
“Now let’s see if we can determine what position this little one is in,” the midwife said, beginning to palpate Vera’s bump.   
    
Vera noticed Joan’s face twitching, she reached across and stroked Joan’s thigh, knowing that Joan felt uncomfortable with anyone else touching her, even in a perfectly professional capacity. Joan’s face softened at Vera’s gesture and she tried to relax.   
    
“Well, baby is head down, which is good, not yet engaged but that’s quite normal with first time pregnancies. I wouldn’t normally listen to the heartbeat at this appointment, but seeing as Joan has come with you, I think we have time, if you want that?” The midwife looked at Joan as she spoke.   
    
Joan was taken a little by surprise, so lost in her own thoughts and aggravation that someone else was touching Vera, “Oh, um, yes that would be lovely, thank you.”   
    
The midwife squirted some gel onto Vera's bump and it didn't take her long to locate the heartbeat, she adjusted the volume and what sounded like a tiny horse galloping came from the device. Vera watched Joan, her face changed, the corners of her lips began to curl, her eyes softened, something so simple could break that hard exterior.   
    
“136 beats per minute,” the midwife said.   
    
“Wow that’s fast,” Vera replied a little excitedly.   
    
Joan continued to be fixated on Vera’s bump and the Doppler, she didn’t say anything, but Vera could tell she was completely in awe, infatuated beyond words with the tiny human growing inside her.   
    
The midwife gave Vera some tissue to clear up the gel used and returned to her desk to finish writing up the notes. As Vera sat up and readjusted her clothing Joan leant forward and whispered into Vera’s ear, “Thank you, I love you.”   
    
“I love you too,” Vera said cupping Joan’s cheek. Joan’s eyes looked glossy, was Joan on the verge of happy tears Vera thought.   
    
The midwife mentioned Vera’s birth plan before they left, Vera was confident they had already decided on all the aspects but the midwife recommended that they keep a slightly open mind until they had completed the antenatal classes.   
   
They were only slightly later than normal for work; Joan had headed straight into back to back meetings. Vera's day was slower, allowing her more time to contemplate the midwife appointment and class later that evening. She removed her phone from her bag and added steak, spinach and some other leafy green vegetables as recommended by Mandy, the midwife, to her shopping list. Mandy had also mentioned to Vera about drinking raspberry leaf tea from now onwards, as it was supposed to help ease labour, she added this to her list too. She could have one cup a day and gradually increase it to three cups, Vera thought it seemed worth a try. Vera was busy signing off some paperwork when Joan returned to her office, she seemed flustered and immediately picked up the phone as she sat at her desk, Vera felt sorry for whoever was on the other side of the phone, as they got the sharp end of Joan's tongue.    
   
"Shut the blinds Vera and lock the door," Joan spoke in a forceful tone.   
   
Vera didn't hesitate in doing what she was asked. She knew Joan wasn't annoyed with her, after she lowered the last blind she stood behind Joan and gently draped her arms over Joan's shoulders, immediately realising how tense Joan was. They both shared the same view on not showing any affection at work, but on the odd occasion, in private, they would share brief touches and moments.     
   
"What's happened?" Vera asked, somewhat cautiously.    
   
Joan breathed out sharply through her nose, "Imbeciles Vera, they absolutely lack the mental capacity, can't follow a task through logically."   
   
Joan sighed as she realised Vera was still stood behind her, her hands gently massaging through her uniform, she leant back into her touch, her tension easing.    
   
"I'm going to get a shower now, we will leave early, and there will be time for dinner that way too."   
   
"Are you sure, we don't have to leave early for me?" Vera spoke softly.    
   
"I've come to realise that there are far more important things than work, you are one of them, making more time for us is important, especially now, they will have to cope," Joan replied, her voice less harsh than before.   
   
"I'll just finish up what I'm doing and get a shower too if that's ok, shall I book a table somewhere?" Vera asked.   
   
"Yes darling, you choose and of course you can use my shower," Joan responded.   
   
Joan took her jacket off before entering the shower room, turning to Vera, "You're good for me, do you know that, you make me happy."    
   
"And you make me happier than anyone ever has, can or will," Vera said blushing slightly.   
   
"I won't be long," Joan said as she slipped behind the door.    
   
Dinner had helped to relax Vera and the antenatal class wasn't as awkward or uncomfortable as she had anticipated, in fact she had really enjoyed it. She thought Joan had enjoyed it more than she would admit too, they had got chatting to another couple who were due just a few days before Vera.    
   
Once home neither had moved very far from the lounge. Vera was led back on the sofa, in charge of the remote, half watching a series that she had recorded. Joan was reading, she sat in the chair on the opposite side of the room, engrossed in her current chapter. Some people may think it was odd that they weren't cuddled up together, but it worked for them, after both being single for so long they still needed some space and distance at times.    
   
Vera began to flick through some of the handouts that they got earlier from the class. She read one a few times and Joan noticed her face frowning. She put her book face down in her lap.   
   
"What's wrong?" She asked Vera.   
   
Vera studied the handout a few more times before looking up.   
   
"Remember what they were saying tonight about preparing for labour, well preparing your body for labour, it's something that I'm scared about, I mean, I'm petite, I know that, I'll do anything to help make it easier," Vera started before pausing.   
   
Joan placed her bookmark in her book and lifted Vera's legs to sit next to her. Vera passed her the handout and Joan read through it.    
   
"I see, so you want to try the perineal massage?" Joan asked curiously.    
   
Vera blushed, "I do, but I don't, it just sounds weird, why am I so uneasy about some of these things. They were all talking so freely about it tonight and I felt, well, prudish almost. I know there's no guarantee that it will stop me tearing or needing to be cut, but the thought of both of those things gives me shivers, so I'm thinking anything to avoid that is worth a try."   
   
"Then try it darling, you haven't anything to lose," Joan said warmly.   
   
Vera still looked embarrassed at the thought.   
   
"It says here that a partner can do the massage, would you prefer if I did it? Would that make it easier for you?" Joan asked.   
   
"Um, yea, I guess," Vera replied.    
   
Joan took Vera's hand and led her upstairs.    
   
"Oh we are going to do it now, right now?” Vera asked sheepishly.   
   
"Why not?" Joan responded as they entered their bedroom.    
   
Vera suddenly felt more awkward than the first time she had ever been in Joan's bedroom, on the first night she had stayed over, she stood in front of Joan and undressed herself. Joan went into the ensuite to fetch the vitamin E oil which they already had in the cabinet. When she returned Vera had made herself comfortable on the bed. Joan knelt on the bed at Vera's feet.   
   
"Vera you're going to have to open your legs for me to do this," Joan said.   
   
"Why do I find this so embarrassing, we sleep naked all the time, we are intimate and yet here I am feeling shy," Vera said as she parted her legs.   
   
Joan smiled at her and looked down at the handout as she applied a few drops of vitamin E oil to her fingertips. 

"Ok it's says to place my index fingers inside your vagina. Press them firmly towards your perineum and against the sides of your vagina until you feel a tingling," Joan said reading the instructions out loud.    
   
Vera brought her hands over her face, "Oh god do you have to read that out as you go, it makes it worse, so clinical."    
   
Joan ignored her and continued to read, "Firmly massage in a U-shaped motion. Moving from the sides of their vagina, downwards to the perineum, and back up again. To start with, you should aim to do this for about a minute. But with practice, you may be able to continue the massage for up to five minutes."   
   
Joan went to edge her fingertips close to Vera's entrance and Vera clenched.    
   
"No," she said suddenly.    
   
Joan looked up, "Ok, this won't work unless you relax Vera, I've got an idea."    
   
Joan closed Vera's legs and gently straddled her; she supported herself on her knees, not wanting to put her full weight on the top of Vera's legs. She poured some oil onto her hands and gently began to massage Vera's bump.    
   
"They also said that Vitamin E oil is good for preventing stretch marks," Joan said softly as she continued.   
   
"Mmm, they did," Vera replied, starting to relax already, her hands no longer covering her face, her eyes closed and she enjoyed the sensation of Joan's touch.    
   
Joan carefully glided her hands over Vera's bump where the skin was taught; using a light touch she covered every inch of glowing skin. Then radiating outwards, she kneaded the skin over Vera's hips and up Vera's sides, her pressure more firm here. Approaching Vera's breasts, she cupped them, taking the weight in her hands and rubbed oil over them, tenderly massaging it into the skin. Her fingers stroked oil over Vera's nipples and she continued to caress her breasts until they were completely saturated. Focusing her attention back on Vera's bump she placed open mouth kisses all over it and then gently applied more oil. Joan watched Vera, studied her form, her curves, her indeed darkened and enlarged nipples, her blue eyes which were lost behind fluttering eyelids as she moaned at Joan's handiwork. Joan felt that Vera had let go of her tension and she slowly moved back between Vera's legs.    
   
Joan stroked down Vera’s lips and paused before pushing her fingertips inside, she stopped and allowed Vera to become accustomed to the sensation. Vera didn't resist this time and Joan gradually applied pressure until Vera winced ever so slightly. She began to firmly massage in the U-shaped motion as the instructions described.    
   
"Is that ok?” Joan asked Vera.   
   
"Mmmm, yea it's actually quite nice," Vera giggled, her eyes still shut.    
   
Joan only continued for a couple of minutes, not wanting to overdo it. Vera sighed contentedly when Joan stopped and withdrew her fingers. Joan moved up the bed and drew the covers over Vera; she rolled Vera onto her side and cuddled up behind her. Vera muttered something sleepily and wiggled back into Joan. Joan propped herself onto her elbow and used her other hand to stroke Vera's hair until Vera fell asleep. She watched Vera sleep for a few minutes before placing a kiss delicately on her cheek and slipping quietly out of the bed. Joan quickly tidied downstairs and returned back upstairs, it was quite a bit earlier than they would normally go to bed but all she wanted at that time was to re-join Vera. Joan stripped off, placing her clothes in the laundry basket and gracefully entered the bed, she put her arms around Vera and closed her eyes.    
   
"Stay," Vera said dreamily, placing a hand over Joan's.   
   
"I'll always stay with you," Joan replied, she held Vera tightly as they both drifted off to sleep.    
   
 


	8. Chapter 8

Vera's alarm sounded, Monday morning came round too fast. She tentatively reached out from under the warm covers to silence the piercing noise that threatened to fully awaken her, she would enjoy the 'snooze', just another few minutes. Vera reached behind her, searching for Joan, no sign, she clumsily shifted herself, turning over, reaching out again, still no sign, her eyes fluttered open, definitely no Joan in the bed. She sighed, it wasn't unusual for Joan to be up before Vera, but she enjoyed morning snuggles, the way Joan would embrace her, stroke her hair, whisper to her, relax her into a trance like dream state. Vera pulled herself towards Joan's pillow, inhaling her lover’s scent, the faint smell of jasmine and lavender which lingered from her shampoo.

The alarm sounded again, it was time to face the day. Only three more weeks left at work, how did the last week fly by so fast, how did the last thirty three weeks fly by so fast Vera thought as she entered the shower.

Vera trod softly as she walked down the stairs. Joan was stood in their kitchen, she moved into Vera's view and watched Vera, enveloped neatly in her uniform as she approached Joan.

"Good morning Vera," Joan spoke gently, a smile gracing her face.

"Good morning, I missed you in bed this morning," Vera spoke as she got closer to Joan,  she paused in front of her, "Wait, am I missing something, why aren't you in your uniform?"

Joan was wearing fitted dark navy jeans that hugged her thighs and a deep olive coloured chiffon style top which showed a little cleavage. Vera noticed that the top was such that in the correct light you could see the outline of Joan's bra. She thought how beautiful Joan looked like this, her hair was down, falling loosely over her shoulders, she was wearing simple earrings and a pendant style necklace. Vera thought back to the first few times she had seen Joan like this, out of uniform, how she was captivated by Joan's softer side, the side Joan hid from the world, the side that ultimately Vera had fallen in love with.

"Because I'm not going to work," Joan replied, a thin smile still gracing her lips.

"Where are you going? I don't remember you having any appointments," Vera asked quizzically. 

Vera was bemused, she couldn't understand, Joan was acting odd but she kept smiling too. Vera's head raced through all the possibilities, it wasn't their anniversary, it wasn't her birthday, what was going on. Surely if she simply had a day off she wouldn't have made such an effort to dress like this Vera pondered, usually at home Joan preferred to be comfortable, choosing loose fitting jogging bottoms or yoga pants over jeans, not feeling the need to bother with jewellery.

Joan studied Vera as her mind whirled with possibilities to what was going on.

"You look very nice," Vera said as she reached out and traced her hand over Joan's top, along her side and settled on her hip.

"Thank you," Joan responded.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Vera asked, still confused.

"I told you, I'm not going to work, in fact, you're not going to work either," Joan said, grinning.

"What do you mean, of course I am, it's Monday," Vera replied.

"It's been arranged and approved, there's no work for you," Joan said as she pulled Vera closer to her, wrapping her arms around Vera in a relaxed manner.

"Joan," Vera began, pulling back from Joan slightly.

Joan observed her and waited for her to continue.

"Please tell me this isn't some grand ploy to start my maternity leave early, we discussed this, we agreed, thirty six weeks, I'll stop at thirty six weeks. Tell me you haven't gone behind my back?" Vera felt slightly exasperated. 

"I have gone behind your back, of sorts, but no, you will still be starting your maternity leave at thirty six weeks," Joan said calmly.

Vera's eyes searched Joan's, which were still soft, she was still smiling coyly.

"Then why am I not going to work?"

"Because Vera, we are on annual leave this week."

"Since when? What? How?"

Joan placed her finger on Vera's lips, "Shhhh, so many unnecessary questions my dear. I've sorted work, Will is in charge, it's only for the week and it's good practise for when he covers your position during your maternity leave. The hardest part was making sure no one let slip that this was happening."

"Everyone knew except me?" Vera said slightly shocked.

Joan nodded and Vera glanced around the room, she caught sight of a suitcase by the front door.

"We're going away?" Vera asked, a slight child like excitement to her voice.

"We are, now go get changed and pack, enough for three days, you'll need suitable clothes for the weather, something more dressy for the evenings and swimwear," Joan said softly.

Vera wanted to ask so many questions but she thought it was probably better to go pack first and ask later, she almost skipped back up the stairs. No one had ever booked a surprise trip for her, her and Joan had managed a handful of jointly arranged vacations before deciding to start a family. She felt slightly giddy with elation.

Joan loaded their cases into the car and joined Vera who was already patiently waiting in the passenger seat. As they set off Joan placed her hand over Vera's and moved it onto her thigh, squeezing her hand. She moved her hand back to the steering wheel and Vera kept her hand on Joan's thigh, she watched Joan as she drove, admiring her profile, how happy and relaxed she looked.

"How are you feeling?” Joan asked, still looking ahead.

"Excited," Vera replied.

"We're not going too far, I wanted to be close to the hospital, just incase anything happened."

"You think of everything, don't you?"

"Well I do try. Consider this our baby-moon," Joan said, not being able to help herself giggling.

"Our what? Our baby-moon... oh you've been on those forums again haven't you?" Vera said, pleasantly amused.

"Maybe I have, this is our last break before we start our life as a family, I wanted a few days with you, just us, maybe it's selfish," Joan said trailing off.

"It's not selfish, it's sweet, I'm touched that you have organised this, for me, for us," Vera said and squeezed Joan's thigh. 

Joan smiled and they continued the journey with the noise of the radio filling the car. Vera tried to work out where they were going, what sort of place they would be staying at.

They travelled down a long driveway signed Woodmans Estate, which led to a gravelled car park, surrounded by well maintained floral borders, a large grand building was situated at the far side, Vera read the sign, 'Graydens Luxury Hotel, Lakehouse and Spa Lodges'.

"Oh my gosh Joan, we are staying here! Are you being serious?" Vera asked eagerly.

"Yes, seriously, we are staying here." Joan responded contently.

"I've seen this place advertised in those magazines you read whilst waiting for the dentist, Joan this is amazing," Vera said before leaning over and kissing Joan.

They were greeted at the hotel reception, checked in and transferred over to their accommodation.

"Joan this is absolutely extraordinary, I've never stayed anywhere like this, I never thought I would. It must have cost a fortune," Vera spoke as she took in the surroundings of their lodge.

"You deserve to stay here, the cost isn't a factor, go ahead and explore," Joan replied as she sat down on one of the sofas.

Vera didn't need any encouragement as she strolled eagerly around their home for the next three days. There was a grand four poster bed in the bedroom, adorned with more pillows and cushions than Vera had seen in her life, a plush velvet throw draped over the expanse of the duvet, it was even bigger than their bed at home. A freestanding oval stone bath sat elegantly in the vast bay window, over looking the lake. Off the main corridor there was a treatment room, a sauna and a shower room. The living area was open plan, a modern kitchen area which incorporated a dining table flowed into a lounge area where Joan was sat. There was an open log fire and bi-folding doors stretched along the entire wall that led directly onto their own private decking complete with a hot tub, BBQ area and large outdoor corner sofas. Vera noticed several subtle features, electric blinds, mood lighting and a state of the art music system that could be played into any room. She looked out and admired the view past the decked area and then turned back to Joan who was watching Vera intently. 

Vera made her way over to Joan and straddled her lap.

"You are sensational, this is the most beautiful place I have ever stayed and to have organised this as a surprise too, thank you," Vera said as she pushed Joan back slightly against the sofa. She wrapped her hands around Joan's neck and peppered open mouth kisses against Joan's jaw and cheeks, Joan grasped Vera's hips before Vera kissed Joan deeply. Their tongues rolled over each other as they continued to kiss passionately.

Vera pulled away from the kiss, grinning at Joan.

"I don't want you to lose that beautiful smile from your face the whole time we are here," Joan said as she traced Vera's lips with her fingertip, Vera kissed her fingers.

"When we checked in they said you had arranged our itinerary already, what does that mean?" Vera asked inquisitively still straddling Joan's lap. 

"There's a full spa on site, options for boat trips on the lake, various dining experiences. I've tailored our time to suit us. I know you can't use the sauna or the hot tub but I hope you'll find the other facilities just as relaxing. You'll see what I have planned as the days unfold, there's nothing too exhilarating, mainly it's about me and you having some time alone," Joan said softly.

Vera got up and pulled Joan up with her. "So what's first, what are we doing this morning?" Vera said eagerly, knowing that Joan would have planned every hour of their time here.

"Well I've booked a slot in the pool soon, we can take a slow walk over there if you want?" Joan said, smiling.

They both collected their swimwear and interlaced their hands as they walked around the lake to where the pool was situated.

"The pool is ready for you Miss Ferguson," the lady at the reception said as she handed Joan the key to the changing rooms.

"Ready for you, what does she mean?" Vera asked quietly as they walked away from the desk.

"When I said I had booked a slot, I meant a private slot, there won't be anyone else here for the next hour, just us," Joan said in a serious yet playful tone.

They stripped off in the changing room and Joan neatly folded their clothes before placing them into a locker. Vera looked around, this wasn't your normal public swimming pool changing room, there were marble benches, natural stone tiled the floor and there were dressing tables with fancy moisturisers, hair driers and straighteners to use. 

Unlike Vera, who was still stood naked, Joan had already pulled on her simple black swimsuit. It had an open, low scooped back, dropped arm holes exposing her breasts ever so slightly from the sides and was cut so it fitted Joan in a high leg style. She had pulled her hair back into a low ponytail. Vera thought she looked so sexy like this and exuded a very '80's vibe.

"You look absolutely stunning, do you know that?" Joan said, catching Vera by surprise.

Vera smiled and blushed. Joan reached forward and pushed gently downwards on Vera's shoulders, causing her to sit down on the cool marble. Vera gasped slightly as the sensation hit the back of her legs and her exposed bottom. Joan knelt down, her hands on Vera's thighs, parting Vera's legs, settling between them.

"You. Look. Incredibly. Tempting. Vera. Bennett," Joan kissed and nipped a different part of Vera's body in between saying each word.

Vera moaned quietly. She felt a familiar warmth spread between her legs and she cursed herself mentally for being so easily aroused by Joan, she couldn't help how turned on Joan could make her feel so quickly.

Joan looked up at Vera, her eyes were half closed and her lips slightly parted.

"So delectable," Joan said in a low voice as she took one of Vera's nipples into her mouth, sucking deeply on the already hardening nub.

"Ohh Joan," Vera groaned.

Joan switched and sucked deeply on the other nipple, her tongue flicking over the tip and her teeth gently grazing the flesh.

"Joan," Vera breathed, lifting and pushing her legs slightly into Joan's hands.

"Yes... are you getting dressed or not, I'm finding this quite the distraction," Joan said playfully, looking at Vera with raised eyebrows. 

Vera breathed heavily for a few moments, realising she must look quite flushed right now.

"Can't you... aren't you... won't you..." Vera couldn't string together the right words, feeling rather hot.

"Make love to you here..." Joan responded in a low, husky voice.

"Mmmm yesss," Vera panted.

"It's taking all my self control to not take you here, but you deserve more than a changing room, I want that time here to be special, memorable," Joan said tenderly.

"You are most definitely the worlds biggest tease Joan Ferguson, I sincerely hope that the water is cold for my benefit," Vera whispered.

Joan helped her stand and steadied her as the blood redistributed around her body. Vera hadn't brought a swimsuit, instead she wore a bikini. It wasn't strictly a maternity bikini, the top was a halter neck style and the bottoms were hipster type briefs that sat neatly under her bump. It was plain and a light mint green in colour. 

"Can you do me up please," Vera asked playfully, tilting her head forward and gathering her hair up in her hands.

"Certainly," Joan replied, grasping the fabric pieces and tying them into a bow.

Vera tied her hair into a high ponytail in front of the mirror and then loosened it to give a more scruffy look.

Joan entered the water first and watched as Vera navigated the steps into the pool. Vera looked up and noticed the pool was glass roofed and to the one side there were glass panels, there was an opening where you could swim into the other half of the pool which was outside and uncovered.

"Wow this pool is spectacular," Vera said amazed.

"It's nice isn't it, shall we swim outside? The water temperature is warm, but the air temperature can make it feel a little cool at first." She took Vera's hand as they swam towards the opening. 

"How do you know all this? You know so much about this place, where everything is," Vera said as they tread water in the centre of the outside part of the pool.

"I've been here before," Joan said a little cautiously.

Vera felt her heart sink suddenly, she had an uneasy feeling in her stomach, it was jealousy. Was Joan bringing her somewhere she has brought someone else in the past.

"You've been here with someone else?" Vera asked timidly, not sure if she really wanted to know.

"No, Vera, I've been here by myself before," Joan said reaching out to touch Vera's arm.

"Oh, I see, I thought maybe I wasn't the first person you had taken here," Vera said quietly.

"Who else would I have ever had to take here, you know of all my past relationships, if you can call them that, my previous encounters. I wouldn't have dreamt of bringing them somewhere like this. Don't worry, this experience is something that only we share darling," Joan said reassuringly. 

Vera smiled and Joan smiled back at her.

"Swim with me," Vera said playfully as she splashed Joan and dunked under the water.

They swam side by side, at a fairly quick pace, for quite a few lengths of the outdoor pool, before Vera swam back through the opening and towards the shallow end of the indoor pool.

She stood up where the water still came to her shoulders and leant back against the pool wall, her arms out of the water resting on the pool side. Joan swam over to join her.

"Are you ok?" Joan asked.

"Yea, I just don't have the stamina like I did before being pregnant and I also don't have long legs like you," Vera replied a little short of breath.

"Do you want a drink, they'll bring it pool side for us?"

"That would be nice."

Joan gestured to a member of staff who quickly came and took their order before returning with two fruit smoothies. Vera drank some before placing it back on the pool side.

Joan was stood a few feet from the pool wall and the water came up lower on her than it did Vera, only just covering the swell of her breasts. Vera walked a few paces towards the deeper water until she couldn't anymore and swam a few strokes as Joan followed her, when the water reached Joan's shoulders she turned and wrapped her legs around Joan's waist. Joan grasped her and pulled her as close as the bump allowed. Vera wrapped her arms around Joan's back and caressed her in the water. She pulled herself higher against Joan's body and Joan spread her legs a little wider to steady them. Vera kissed Joan and bit down gently on her bottom lip, Joan kissed her back and began to rub small circles in Vera's lower back with her hands. 

"Mmm, that's nice, I love being in the water, I love being in the water with you," Vera said, their lips almost touching.

"I love being here with you too," Joan whispered back.

"They do baby swimming classes at the pool which I do aqua yoga at, it's something I think we should do," Vera said quietly.

"I agree, swimming is an important skill," Joan replied.

"One parent needs to go in with the baby, I was thinking, maybe, you would like to do that with him or her?" Vera asked somewhat timidly.

"Me? But wouldn't you want to do that with them?" Joan asked a little shocked.

"I would, but I've been thinking about it and I think it would be good for you to do that, it will help you bond," Vera said, still feeling a little apprehensive.

"You would be good at it," Vera added.

"I'll think about it, that's sweet that you want me to do it and you think I would be good at it, I've never really considered doing that," Joan said thoughtfully.

Their hour was nearly up and they changed quickly, each grabbing a brief shower before heading back to their lodge. When they returned there was a spread of afternoon tea laid out on the dining table.

"You planned this too?" Vera asked, although she knew the answer.

Joan grinned and pulled a chair out for Vera to sit at, "tea or coffee? It's decaf of course." 

"Tea please," Vera replied.

Joan poured them both a cup before sitting down to enjoy the food with Vera. They relaxed for the main part of the afternoon, even though it wasn't overly warm, the sun was out, Joan suggested they go for a brief walk around some of the gardens within the grounds before dinner.

They had both been reading in the lounge when Joan got up. "Vera you need to get changed for dinner, I'm going to get changed too," Joan said as she headed towards the bedroom.

"What do I need to wear?" Vera asked hesitantly.

"Something fairly smart, but don't worry, you'll look ravishing in whatever you choose," Joan replied sincerely as she disappeared into the bedroom and then onto the shower room to get ready.

Vera didn't have that many clothes that she could still wear, that were smart or dressy and she hadn't invested in that many maternity clothes, not seeing the point in spending money on them when they wouldn't be used for long. She had brought with her a plum coloured stretchy wrap dress, it had been a good investment as it was easily adjustable as her bump grew. The wrap created a deep V style neckline and Vera liked that for once in her life she had ample cleavage to show off. She had brought with her a necklace which Joan had given her on their last anniversary, it was a plain white gold chain with four round cut diamonds held in a classic claw setting, arrange vertically. Joan had told her each diamond represented one year that they had been together. She paired her dress with mid height court heels and laid out a pashmina shawl incase it was cold later. She wore her hair down and lightly pinned back a few curls from either side of her face.

Joan was waiting in the lounge area, she was stood by the bi-folding doors, looking outwards towards the lake. Vera stopped in her tracks as she entered the room, Joan looked breathtaking, her hair was curled in thick sections, swept across to one side, she wore black tailored trousers, pointed low black heels and a cream fitted blouse with slight detailing around the waist, a black tailored jacket rested on the arm of the sofa. She could just make out that Joan had a subtle amount of make up on. Vera loved this look on her, she loved going out with Joan when she looked like this, being the one on Joan's arm, people would always look twice. Joan looked striking, it was in some ways the same as her governor uniform, but this was much much sexier Vera thought. 

Joan turned as she heard Vera approaching, she smiled so fully that Vera swore her eyes were smiling too, "You look gorgeous my dear, these are for you," Joan said, extending her arm to give Vera a large bunch of red tulips.

Vera took the bouquet and looked at Joan, lost for words, she didn't know what to say.

"Do you remember when we would hesitate, feel judged by everyone for our love, afraid that our love was just a ghost that others couldn't see. Well look how far we have come, look at us now," Joan said with a slight quiver to her voice, Vera knew she was biting back raw emotions. 

Joan stepped closer to Vera, leaning towards her ear, "Red tulips symbolise true love, it was always just that."

Vera shivered at the words, the proximity of Joan's lips, her breath caressing the shell of her ear. It was all she could do not to let her jaw fall slack, silently willing herself not to cry at how perfect everything seemed in that moment.

"Come, the car is here," Joan said, taking Vera's hand. Joan took the flowers and placed them in the vase she had already filled with water. 

The car, Vera thought, feeling perplexed as to why they needed a car, they could surely walk to dinner, the hotel building was so close.

A well dressed driver escorted them the short drive to the other side of the estate, Joan exited first and held her hand out for Vera to take, she thanked the driver and he drove off. Joan held her arm out for Vera to link hers with and they walked towards the lake, the sun was setting and there was just one boat moored by the side of the jetty, they stepped on and were led just inside the cabin part where there table was laid out. It was enclosed enough to be warm but open enough to appreciate the view and the tranquil atmosphere. There were candles and rose petals around the edge of the boat and on their table, dark wood clad the boat's interior. It suddenly dawned on Vera that the music playing was actually a cellist sat on the outer part of the boat.

"Joan, this is the most romantic dinner I have ever had and we haven't even eaten yet," Vera said slightly flabbergasted.

"And you are smiling, my objective is successful," Joan replied.

"I would have smiled at a lot less, just being with you," Vera said quietly.

"But sharing this with you is worth it all," Joan said warmly, looking at Vera then around to the cellist and the view of the sunset. 

There was no menu for dinner, Joan had organised for the meal to be identical to one of the first meals they had dined together. The starter was roasted scallops followed by a pan fried sea bass main.

When they returned to their lodge there was a platter of fruit accompanied by a fondue of various Belgian chocolate.

Joan had mimicked every detail of the original date, Vera remembered sharing the exact same dessert with Joan at her house.

They were stood near the table, Vera positioned nearest to the corridor leading to the bedroom. Vera felt herself brimming with confidence that she could only ever find privately with Joan, boosted by today's events. 

"How far are you wanting to replicate that date?" Vera said flirtatiously.

"I'm not sure what you mean Vera," Joan said grinning.

"Well," Vera started, gently easing off the pashmina from around her shoulders.

"As I remember," she continued, wiggling her dress up and over her head, dropping it to the floor, maintaining eye contact with Joan as she spoke.

"I don't think that was actually the next course," she said seductively, standing in her underwear, her eyes gesturing towards the fruit.

She unclasped her bra, discarding it next to her dress, leaving her stood in black lace French knickers and her heels.

"I believe there was something else that happened before we ate dessert."

"Ohh and what was that Vera, refresh my memory," Joan said suggestively.

"Well, the question I'm asking is do you want to repeat the palette cleanser before the final course?" Vera winked and turned towards the bedroom, deliberately swaying her hips as she walked.

Joan showed not an ounce of hesitation in following, quickly flicking through her phone, that she had already linked with the sound system. As she entered the bedroom and set eyes upon Vera, spread decadently across the bed, the lyrics filled the room:

_Can you walk on the water with I, you and I?_

_Or keep your eyes on the road and live there familiar, without you and I_

_It glows with gates of gold, true to life_

_And our love is a ghost that the others can't see_

_It's a danger_

_Every shade of us you fade down to keep_

_Them in the dark on who we are_

_(Oh what you do to me)_

_Gonna be the death of me_

_It's a danger_

_Cause our love is a ghost that the others can't see_

_We took a walk to the summit at night, you and I_

_To burn a hole in the old grip of the familiar, you and I_

_And the dark was opening wide, do or die_

_Under a mask of a million ruling eyes_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to the lovely MsYukari for (patiently) helping me with the song choice :)
> 
> The song Joan plays is:
> 
> Agnes Obel -Familiar  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32kYH6XZrIo
> 
> And I imagine the cellist to be playing this at the start of their dinner:
> 
> Bach - Cello Suite No.1  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGQLXRTl3Z0


	9. Chapter 9

Joan reclined back onto the deep, outdoor corner sofa, glass of red in hand, outdoor log burner lit. It was early evening, a slight breeze ran through the air, but it was still warm. 

The lodges were positioned in such a way that they didn't over look each other. At the end of the decking there was a path that continued around the circumference of the lake. 

Vera emerged from inside, bare foot, damp hair cascading down over one shoulder, wearing a short yellow sun dress. 

"Nice shower?" Joan enquired, smiling. 

"It was, thank you, and thank you for cooking dinner for us tonight," Vera said softly as she approached the sofa. 

"You're welcome, sometimes it's nicer to prepare my own food and of course, cook for you," Joan replied, gesturing Vera to come closer.

Joan moved towards the corner part of the sofa, until her spine aligned flush to the sofa back, bringing her legs up to rest, fully outstretched, on the plump cushions. She parted her legs slightly and patted the sofa between them, flashing Vera a grin and encouraging her to sit between them. 

Vera moved between Joan's legs, Joan placed her wine onto the small table and eased Vera fully back into her. She wrapped her arms around her, hands settling on top of her bump.  

Silence encapsulated them for a few moments, Joan could feel Vera's steady heartbeat coursing through her body.

"I've not been completely honest with you Vera," Joan said cautiously. Vera still looked forward, Joan couldn't see her face, but she sensed Vera tense ever so slightly at her words. 

"What do you mean?" Vera's voice was quiet in reply. 

"I've been having some extra meetings with the board, to arrange something, it's something that will also impact you, but in a good way, I hope," Joan said softly, bringing Vera's hands to rest with hers on her bump. 

Using the lightest of touches she ran her fingernails over the back of Vera's hands, repeating the action slowly, watching as the touch elicited tiny goose bumps on Vera's arms. 

"Joan, what have you done?" Vera's voiced hitched a little at the sensation Joan was creating. 

"I've waited to tell you, until we were here, alone, together, away from work," Joan spoke slowly. 

She moved her lips closer to Vera's exposed ear. 

"When you have the baby, I've applied for parental leave, a period of absence," Joan's lips brushing Vera's skin as she spoke.

"A what? What do you mean?" Vera was confused by Joan's admission. 

"I've been pondering the idea for a while now, whether I could let the reigns go on Wentworth, to spend those first few months with you, with my... my family, our baby. Vera, I can't stand the thought of only having two weeks with you when you give birth, returning to work, leaving you, the both of you. You must know that you mean the absolute world to me, you've become my world. This is what I want," Joan stopped, hesitantly waiting for Vera's response. 

Vera turned her head to Joan, she met her eyes, dark brown orbs locked with hers, her brows furrowed slightly as she clocked the sincerity in Joan's face.

"Are you serious, you're being serious?" Vera's voice was shaking. 

"More serious than I've ever been before, I've applied for three months, which has been approved. So my darling, as soon as this one arrives, I will be with you both, I don't want to miss a thing, I want to be there to support you," Joan said softly, her hands pushing down on Vera's. 

"Joan, I-I don't know what to say, I know what a massive thing it will be for you to step away for that long, but I want that too, I want you to be with us, for us all to bond, to start our path as a family," Vera's voice still quivering as she spoke. 

Joan's eyes searched Vera's face for any sign that she wasn't happy, not finding any, she leant forward, her forehead resting against Vera's. She closed her eyes. 

"Letting you into my life was my choice, falling in love with you was out of my control, you are the best thing to ever happen to me Vera Bennett."

"And you are for me too, Joan Ferguson," Vera spoke quietly as she felt a small tear roll down her cheek. 

Joan brought her thumb up to wipe away Vera's tear, Vera turned her head away slightly, embarrassed to be crying with happiness, not being able to stop herself. Feeling overwhelmed, she drew a few deep breaths, attempting to calm herself. 

Joan took the moment of heightened emotions, not wanting Vera to dissolve into full blown sobs, she focused on Vera's taut neck, lowering her mouth, grazing the sinew with her teeth. Vera let out a sharp groan in response, Joan's unexpected action taking her by surprise, refocusing her mind.

Vera tilted her head, elongating her neck. Tiny sounds being emitted from her mouth, encouraging Joan to keep going. 

Joan continued to bite and kiss, sucking intermittently along the column until it was pink and glistening with a sheen of wetness. 

"Do you want it?" Joan husked in Vera's ear. 

"Mmmm," Vera responded, leaving her lips parted, eyes shut, enhancing her perception of touch, her lover's touch.

Joan's fingers moved to Vera's damp locks, finding their way to her scalp. Nails scratched from the nape of Vera's neck, travelling up, through chestnut tresses and over her occipital bone. Vera was sure they would leave visible marks in their wake. Initially she tensed, but it wasn't pain, it was pleasure, her toes flexed, she moaned. Joan responded, her hand grasped Vera's hair, tugging it near to the root, again Vera moaned. 

Joan moved her other hand down to the hem of Vera's dress, hoisting it up. Vera gasped.

"Out here, Joan, we can't," Vera's voice was meek, her conscience spoke, but it wasn't what her body desired. 

"We can, we are."

"What if someone walks by, sees us?" Vera responded quietly. 

"Tell me to stop then," Joan said in a low tone. 

Joan's fingers began to massage Vera's toned thigh, edging closer to the apex. Her other hand continued at Vera's scalp.

"Mmm, ohh, d-don't stop," Vera let out, sod her inhibitions, she wanted this, she needed this. 

Joan paused and readjusted Vera, pulling her up and closer, sitting Vera tightly between her legs. Joan spread her own legs wider, encouraging Vera to hook her legs over Joan's, her ankles settled on the outer side of Joan's calves. 

Vera felt a cool shot of air hit her sex, she suddenly remembered she wasn't wearing any underwear, she was exposed. She felt a warmth spread up from her chest, along her neck, across her face, her cheeks burnt and she was unsure if it was from embarrassment or arousal. It was probably a mix of both.

Her head lolled back against Joan's broad shoulder, her own shoulders cushioned by the swell of Joan's chest. 

Joan's now unoccupied hand travelled south, wrapping around Vera, below her breasts, it held her steady, a protective grasp. Her other hand reached the thatch of curls and mimicked the scalp massage, albeit more gently. Quiet moans escaped Vera's mouth. 

Vera lifted her hips, pushing upwards, increasing the pressure of Joan’s hand against her. Using a single finger Joan slid effortlessly between Vera’s lips, gliding down the length of her wet slit. Joan paused and Vera felt the dull throb radiating between her legs, she rubbed herself against Joan’s finger, seeking some sort of friction. 

Joan added another finger and caressed Vera, lingering strokes. Her other hand raised slightly, her palm encased a breast, only the thin fabric stopping direct contact, she could feel Vera's nipple hardening, pushing against the minimal constraint. 

Joan withdrew her fingers from the warmth between Vera's legs, she passed them by her nose, inhaling Vera's scent and then pressed them on Vera's lower lip, Vera's eyes snapped open and she looked at Joan who was watching her intently.

"Suck them," she rasped seductively at Vera.

Opening her mouth, permitting entrance. Her tongue swirled over Joan's fingers, she sucked hard, licking them up and down. Joan's nostrils flared, her own sex clenched, she thrust her fingers into Vera's mouth slowly, in and out. Joan watched, transfixed, biting her own bottom lip at how erotic she found the sight. 

"Where do you want my fingers, Vera?" Joan's words came with an effortless confidence, easing her fingers from Vera's willing lips, allowing Vera to speak.

"You know where," Vera responded with a slight breathlessness. 

"Tell me."

"I want them inside me," Vera gasped.

"Inside you where, be more specific," Joan teased. 

"Joan... please..."

"Where Vera?" Joan persisted.

"In my pussy, I want your fingers deep inside my pussy, fucking me," Vera panted out, shocked at how salacious she sounded. She blushed, here she was bare to any passer-by, wanton and on the verge of begging. She'd never done this outside and heavily pregnant, heck she'd never even done this outside before. 

Joan smiled, keeping her eyes locked with Vera's, thrusting her fingers back inside Vera's mouth once more, ensuring they were well lubricated before finding Vera's sodden entrance, being met by no resistance, she pushed them, as Vera wanted, deep inside. 

Immediately Vera lost the ability to maintain eye contact, her head fell back; a low moan flowed from within. She squeezed fingers which were already fucking her with an even pace, drawing out almost fully before re-entering. She thrust her hips to meet Joan's set pace.

As Joan continued, she eased Vera's straps down her arms, low enough for her to prise the material over Vera's full, pert breasts, already erect nipples tightening further now they were unrestrained. Beginning lightly she raked her fingertips over both breasts, circled the nipples, taking their weight in turn she kneaded the tissue tenderly. Then applying her thumb and forefinger she tweaked Vera's nipples, first the right one, then the left, alternating between, varying the pressure. 

Vera's inner walls contracted rhythmically around Joan's strong fingers, hips rolling in time, her deep breathing adding the tune. Joan was the maestro, orchestrating the inevitable release. Using her thumb she swiped against Vera's desperately aching clit, causing Vera to inhale sharply, Joan let out a small growl. Vera shivered as she continued to circle with a moderate tempo. 

Vera whimpered as she felt the tendrils of her impending orgasm threading together, merging into a single chord, tightening with every touch. A chord which would soon sever, releasing ecstasy throughout her body. 

Joan watched, captivated at how Vera responded to her, an unwavering loyalty, always giving her body so freely.

Joan curled her fingers inside, Vera groaned hard, tensing fiercely around them, her legs trembling. Joan rested her head against Vera's, her lips nuzzling Vera's ear. 

"You're mine Vera, you will always be mine," Joan purred.

"I-I'm y-y-yours, for-ever," Vera panted almost incoherently.

It was then that Vera's orgasm crested, overwhelming her senses, all she could feel was intense pleasure, radiating in relentless spasms from inside. Unable to stop her loud moans of release, she pushed her face against Joan's neck, in an attempt to stifle them.

Joan eased her fingers out, smoothing down Vera's dress, affording her some modesty in her post-coital state, repositioning her straps, covering her breasts. She cradled Vera between her legs and held her, listening as her breathing began to steady. Joan felt like her heart threatened to burst, in that moment of lust and love, the feeling she had for Vera was all consuming. She stroked her hair and caressed her body, watching Vera's eyelids flutter. She noticed Vera begin to shiver, looking around she realised the fire had gone out and the sun was about to set.

"You're cold, let's get you inside," Joan said as she gently moved herself from behind Vera, standing and swiftly swooping Vera into her arms. 

"Joan, I'm too heavy," Vera said, more out of courtesy, not really wanting to have to walk, to coordinate her legs seemed a fairly momentous task right now. 

Vera wrapped her arms around Joan's neck, holding on tightly. Joan didn't falter as she effortlessly carried Vera inside and into the bedroom. 

She led Vera back against the bed, propped up slightly. Joan stripped off to her underwear, neatly folding her clothes and resting them on the chair nearest the bed, Vera watched with hooded eyes. Joan climbed onto the bed and straddled Vera, on all fours, aware not to press down on her. She took Vera's lips with her own and kissed her passionately, sucking her bottom lip before using her tongue to trace the outline and then kissing her again. Vera's hands moved to play with Joan's dark curtain of hair, she pulled her closer; deepening the kiss. They continued to kiss until the need for oxygen became apparent, Joan pulling back briefly before reapplying her lips to the corner of Vera's mouth. 

Vera tilted her head backwards as Joan relentlessly kissed her, moving along her jaw line, over her cheeks, across her neck, nipping her earlobes. She sighed contently as the sensation began to fully awaken her senses again. 

Joan moved down Vera's body, leaving a trail of open mouth kisses over her sun dress. She settled between Vera's legs, kissing the inside of one thigh, her tongue licking where her lips had been, alternating between each thigh, edging higher. Her hands pushed against Vera's knees spreading them out further, her dress riding up. 

Joan eyed her prey, framed by sticky wet curls, she nudged Vera's lips apart with her tongue and wrapped her own lips around Vera's still swollen clit.

"Joan," Vera cried out, tensing, drawing her knees together suddenly, her sex retreating from Joan's tongue.

"I-I can't, it's too... I-I can't again."

"Vera, there's no such word as can't," Joan said firmly using her hands to hold Vera's knees apart. 

Using the flat of her tongue she started at the bottom of Vera's sex and licked slowly all the way up and over her clit. Vera's breath hitched at the contact with her clit. Joan repeated the movement again, long, purposeful drawn out strokes. She continued until Vera's breathing became steady and deep once again, until the exhale became a customary groan. 

She used her tongue to penetrate Vera, bathing in her wetness as she thrust inside her. Vera's back arched at the action, Joan continued sliding her tongue in and out of Vera. She licked and sucked her lips, working her way back to Vera's clit. She flicked her tongue over it and wrapped her lips around it. This time Vera moaned softly, rocking herself into Joan's mouth. Joan sucked Vera's clit tenderly, rolling her tongue over it repeatedly. Vera panted loudly and grasped at the sheets, clutching the cotton as she tried to steady herself from squirming.

The crescendo arrived naturally quicker with the second orgasm of the night.  

"Ohhhh," cried Vera.

She came with an intensity that ripped through her body, causing it to quiver, her thighs clamping against either side of Joan's head.

Joan moved up and kissed Vera, gently pushing the hair from around her face, admiring how serene she looked. Vera haphazardly tried to reach for Joan's underwear, her limbs not fully cooperating yet. Joan caressed her hand and brought it to her lips, kissing her fingers.

"I'm sated Vera, more than satisfied, there's so much pleasure in giving you pleasure," she spoke softly and kissed Vera's fingers again. 

Vera didn't attempt to argue, she struggled to keep her eyes open, her body and mind were blissfully relaxed. She reached up and cupped Joan's face, smiling as her fingertips traced her jawline. Joan eased off her own underwear, before gently removing Vera's dress, her long arms allowing her to reach back and place them with her clothes. She drew the covers over them both, Vera nuzzled into her breasts as Joan's arms embraced her and began to massage and rub her back. 

"I could stay like this forever, with you," Vera managed to whisper before sleep took over.

"Always with you," Joan whispered back.

Joan pressed her lips against Vera's hairline and closed her eyes. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry I went AWOL. Real life got in the way... but I’ve finally returned!

Vera shifted her weight, straining slightly, trying to balance as she pushed the trolley around the tight corner, down the next aisle. She refused to succumb and let Joan take over, her face the picture of concentration, even though she could barely grasp the handlebar past her bump. Together they had navigated around the DIY shop, collecting the necessary items for operation ‘decorate the nursery’ to commence. They both had three more days off before returning to work and before Vera would hit the thirty four weeks mark. 

“Are you sure that you’re happy with the colours we picked?” Joan asked, stood side by side with Vera as they looked at the massive array of paints. 

They had several tester pots at home and the far wall of the nursery resembled a patchwork of colours. 

“Yes, I’m still happy with the lemon spirit and moon shimmer,” Vera turned to smile as she replied, “I think they compliment each other well and will go nicely with the furniture we ordered.”

Joan double checked the colour codes as she loaded two of each tins into the trolley. 

Vera looked over at the greys and was glad she had put her foot down and stuck with her initial thoughts on the colour scheme. Lemon spirit being a pastel yellow and moon shimmer was an almost off white with a hint of yellowy green tone to it. Joan had suggested they go for a more bold scheme of yellow and grey. Vera had winced every time she saw the grey patch on the wall, to her it seemed so cold and harsh, it reminded her too much of work. At least they had always agreed on it being a gender neutral room because of not finding out the sex. 

Vera tried to budge the trolley, but she didn’t have enough momentum to start it moving again with the extra weight. She gazed up to Joan whose eyes were already watching her, Joan refraining from interfering. Vera released her hands from the handlebar, gesturing for Joan to take over. Joan smirked at Vera and effortlessly began to push the trolley towards the checkout. 

As they loaded the items onto the conveyer belt Joan noticed Vera wincing, one hand on her bump and the other clutched the side of the trolley. She studied her for a few moments, Vera’s grip was tight on the metal bars, her knuckles blanched. 

Joan moved around the side of the trolley, one arm around Vera’s back and the other on her bump, over the top of Vera’s hand. 

“Vera, what’s wrong?” She asked quietly, so as not to draw attention to them. Her head tilted down, lips just brushing Vera’s hair as she spoke.

Vera winced slightly harder and a pained expression washed over her face as she looked at Joan. She took a sharp intake of air.

“Nothing, I don’t think, just a painful kick, not much room inside anymore,” she spoke softly, trying to joke. 

“Are you sure?” Joan replied, carefully observing Vera’s face. 

“Yes, I’ll be fine, baby just needs to wiggle into a more comfortable position,” she forced a smile as she spoke. 

Joan suddenly realised the cashier was asking for payment and she entered her pin as Vera placed the remaining items back into the trolley, her composure seemingly returning to normal as she did. 

“Let me pack the car, you get seated,” Joan said, ushering for Vera to get into the car. 

Vera nodded, opening her door and sliding into the passenger seat, just as she clicked her seatbelt she let out a little gasp and lent forward. The same thing happened again, as in the store, she placed her hand over her bump and realised it was tight, hard. She closed her eyes briefly and held her breath. No sooner had the sensation started, it had subsided. She questioned whether it was just the baby lying in an awkward position or something more. 

She was almost unaware that Joan had got into the car, the engine started and they began the short drive home. 

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Joan questioned, reaching over to squeeze Vera’s hand which was rested in her lap. 

“Yes, sure,” Vera smiled, then quickly adverted her eyes to look out of the window. 

She didn’t want to worry Joan, maybe she shouldn’t have exerted herself pushing the trolley, or maybe she should have eaten more today, Vera pondered. 

Back at home Vera had insisted that she didn’t want to stop for lunch yet, that they should start, at least get one coat on the walls and then break for food. 

Joan changed into an old pair of jogging bottoms, matched with a loose black v neck t-shirt. Vera huffed as she searched through her clothes, trying to find something appropriate to paint in. 

“Do you want to borrow something of mine?” Joan asked, encircling Vera with her arms as she stood behind her, feeling how tense Vera was as she did. 

“Can I? Do you mind? I mean unless I just paint in my underwear,” Vera giggled, leaning back slightly into Joan. 

Joan span her around, so they were facing. 

“Firstly, you can borrow anything you want of mine, you don’t need to ask or worry, but I’m slightly inclined to suggest you paint in your underwear,” Joan bent down to kiss Vera as she finished speaking. 

Vera blushed slightly. 

“I think it’s important that we actually DO some painting today, so I’ll borrow a t-shirt and use a pair of maternity leggings,” Vera grinned, raising her eyebrows as she emphasised the word ‘do’. 

“Have it your way,” Joan said, passing Vera a slightly oversized plain white tee, trying to make puppy eyes and pouting as she did. 

Vera laughed, “Don’t pretend to be all disappointed that I’m not going to flirtatiously paint half naked, we both know that you would be more aggravated out of the two of us if we didn’t get this nursery decorated by Monday.” 

“Ha, you’re right, I suppose. Although half naked painting does sound like a rather good incentive to get things done,” Joan kissed Vera’s forehead as she left their bedroom and went into the nursery. 

Vera went into the bathroom to change, hoping if she emptied her bladder that the uncomfortable sensations would stop. 

The t-shirt, although oversized for Joan, actually pulled tight across Vera’s breasts and the furthest part of her bump, still reaching down to her thighs. 

As Vera turned the taps off, about to dry her hands and join Joan, she felt again the uncomfortable sensation and grasped the porcelain. She gritted her teeth and furrowed her brows. It wasn’t particularly painful, just uncomfortable and there was no distinct pattern. Vera recollected, this was the fifth time in the last few hours. If it happened again she would tell Joan, she promised herself. 

Vera joined Joan and started the wall adjacent to where Joan was already painting. She worked along the edge, cutting in, first the sides, then along the skirting board. She tried to be as meticulous as she could, noticing how Joan hadn’t even got one speck of paint on the dust sheets. How did she manage to have such precise brush control. Vera stood on the stool and reached up to cut in along the top of the wall, trying her best to create a neat line. Vera stretched as far as her arms would, standing on her tiptoes, knowing that she would have to get down and reposition the stool. 

“Ahhh,” gasped Vera, dropping the brush and bracing both hands against the wall. 

Joan quickly placed her own brush on the paint tin lid and rushed behind Vera, taking her weight into her arms and lifting her off the stool. She lowered Vera to the ground and Vera turned, gripping onto Joan’s forearms. Vera breathed heavily for a few moments. 

“Vera, what’s happening?” Joan asked concerned, arms against Vera’s hips. 

“I don’t know, I thought it was the baby laying awkwardly, but I keep getting these strange sensations,” Vera replied, hesitation in her voice.

“What do you mean, ‘keep getting’, is this the same as earlier? Have you had more since then?” Joan questioned, worried and yet slightly irritated. 

Vera had closed her eyes, the tightening was subsiding and she lifted her head to look at Joan. 

“I’ve had a few, they’re not painful, just uncomfortable. I don’t know what they are.”

“You should have told me, maybe you should rest, are you tired? Are you hungry? I’ll make us some lunch,” Joan said, one hand cupping Vera’s cheek, her thumb reassuringly rubbing Vera’s soft skin. 

“I am a little tired and actually I have a slight headache too.”

Joan kissed Vera’s forehead and led her into their bedroom. Vera led back on the bed and Joan pulled a blanket up over her. 

“Rest, I’ll fix us some food and bring it up,” Joan smiled.

Vera sighed and rested her head back into the pillows, shifting slightly onto her side and caressing her bump, her hand rubbing small circles over it. She felt a few strong kicks and pressed her palm against them. She smiled and wiggled further into a foetal position, closing her eyes. 

When Joan returned, Vera had fallen asleep. She contemplated going back downstairs but decided to stay with Vera, something wasn’t quite right and she wanted to stay near to her. She gently slipped onto her side of the bed and watched Vera, taking her plate into her lap and quietly eating her lunch. Joan finished and swapped her plate for the book she was currently reading, wanting to continue painting, but still not feeling comfortable leaving Vera. She sat, back upright against the headboard, legs stretched out and crossed at her ankles, glasses propped at the end of her nose as she read, occasionally gazing over to Vera as she slept peacefully.

Vera had been asleep for just over an hour when she groaned in her sleep. Joan placed her book down on her bedside and lent over, her hand on Vera’s arm, she gently shook Vera. 

“Hey sleepy head, how are you feeling?” Joan asked. 

Vera screwed her eyes, squinting. 

“Ugh, my head is pounding and I feel a little nauseous,” Vera responded sleepily. 

She rolled over to face Joan and Joan wrapped her arms around Vera, cuddling her. 

“I’m worried about you, do you think you’ve caught a virus?” 

“Maybe, I,” Vera stopped mid sentence, grimacing. 

She took one of Joan’s hands and pressed it against her bump. 

“Vera, is that, what is that?” Joan asked shocked. 

Vera’s bump was rigid, she had never felt it like this before. 

“It’s the same as earlier,” Vera responded. Her face relaxing as the sensation passed again. 

“That’s it, we are going to get you checked over,” Joan said adamantly. 

“Do you think we need to do that, I mean, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time...”

Joan ignored Vera’s response, “I’ll get your other clothes for you, do you think you can manage to get changed ok?” 

“Yes, I can manage,” Vera said sheepishly. 

Joan quickly changed too and grabbed Vera’s maternity notes. She put her arm around Vera and guided her downstairs and to the car. 

“Do you want a bucket? Just incase, incase you feel sick on the way?” Joan asked as Vera sat in her seat.

“Might be a good idea,” Vera said, breathing out deeply, trying to suppress the nausea whilst her head pounded. She placed her head forward into her hands and waited for Joan to return. 

As Joan got into the car she lent across, placing the bucket on Vera’s lap and kissed Vera’s temple, “Hey, you’re going to be fine darling.” 

“Aren’t we meant to ring first? I mean, before going to the maternity assessment unit?” Vera asked, head still in her hands. 

“Vera, we are on the way, we aren’t going to be wasting anyone’s time, I’m having someone check you over.” 

Luckily the assessment unit had a separate car park, being part of the maternity wing, which was fairly quiet. They parked close to the main doors and made their way to reception. 

Joan did most of the talking, explaining Vera’s symptoms. Vera leaned against Joan as she spoke, closing her eyes whilst her forehead pulsated. Vera wasn’t really paying attention to the exact details but she registered Joan asking, or rather demanding for a side room, she didn’t want Vera to be put on a ward. 

Vera was ushered onto a bed in a side room and they were told a midwife would be in shortly. 

Joan perched on the side of the bed, facing Vera, she took her hand into her own, bringing it tentatively to her lips and kissed Vera’s knuckles. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“I just want this headache to pass,” Vera said with pleading eyes. 

“I know, I know, we are in the best place... for you both,” Joan said, smiling as she glanced at Vera’s bump and then back to Vera’s face. 

“They requested you provide a sample, may be best to do it now,” Joan said, passing Vera a pot. 

“Will you... will you come with me, into the bathroom... I don’t, I just don’t want to be alone,” Vera asked timidly. 

“Of course I will,” Joan replied softly, holding her arm out for Vera. 

Vera slowly moved towards the bathroom adjoined to the side room. Joan rested against the basin, her eyes trained to the wall opposite.

“I’m sorry,” Vera said. 

“For what?”

“For us being here, causing a fuss.” 

Vera moved next to Joan, washing her hands. 

She rested against Joan, “I’m scared.” 

I’m scared too, Joan thought fleetingly, but she had to remain the strong one, for Vera. 

“Shhhhh, none of that, you’re going to be fine, everything is going to be fine, let’s get you back onto that bed,” Joan tried to sound as sincere as possible even though she was concerned too. She brushed Vera’s hair off her face and tenderly guided it behind her ear. 

Joan sat on the edge of the bed, one hand interlaced with Vera’s, the other caressing her bump, tracing patterns and stroking. 

There was a gentle knock on the door and the midwife entered. 

“Hello Miss Bennett, my name is Rachael, I hear you haven’t been feeling great, do you mind if I ask you some questions and check you over?” 

Vera glanced at Joan, who squeezed her hand and then stood up. 

“Not at all,” Vera said. 

Joan stepped back and let the midwife move next to Vera. She inhaled and briefly closed her eyes as the midwife began to question Vera, lifting Vera’s top and placing two bands around Vera’s bump. She knew it was irrational to feel this way, but she couldn’t deny the immense irritation she felt when people were in Vera’s personal space, when they were touching her, her Vera. 

“This will monitor the tightenings you have been experiencing,” the midwife said, gesturing to the machine that was connected to the elasticated bands around Vera’s bump. 

“I’m going to check your blood pressure now too.” 

She eased the cuff up Vera’s bicep and it began to inflate. 

Vera observed Joan, she knew that look, the tension in her face, the subtle twitching; she reached her hand out and beckoned Joan to come closer. Joan stepped to Vera’s side and took her hand. All the time Joan’s eyes watching the midwife on the opposite side of the bed. Vera interlaced her fingers with Joan’s, using her thumb to caress Joan’s hand, trying to sooth away the tension.

“Do you mind if I take your shoes and socks off? I want to check for any swelling?” The midwife asked. 

“No. I mean, let me, I can do that,” Joan interjected, without hesitation.

The midwife smiled politely. 

“Well your blood pressure is fine, no swelling, I’ll just check your sample and we will monitor you for a while. The top band is monitoring any tightenings in your uterus, the sensor in the bottom band is picking up baby’s heart rate. From what I can see he or she is perfectly happy in there.” 

Joan was captivated by the tiny peaks appearing on the screen, the readings being translated onto paper, the print out emerging, their unborn baby’s heart beat captured. 

“Have you taken anything for your headache, I can get you some paracetamol?” The midwife enquired.

“Please,” Vera responded. 

The midwife left the room and Joan shifted her attention to Vera, she looked pale and tired. She could tell her headache and nausea were causing her significant discomfort. 

“Look... look at our perfect little baby’s heartbeat,” Joan said, squeezing Vera’s hand and nodding her head towards the screen. 

Vera smiled half heartedly, a rising feeling of queasiness swept through her body. 

“Joan... Joan I need a bowl.”

Joan scrambled off the bed and reached for the nearest cardboard receptacle that she could see. 

Vera sat up and heaved, retching loudly but with no consequence. Joan tentatively rubbed her back, her palm smoothing along her shoulder blades then down her spine. 

Vera sighed heavily and then sniffled. Joan pulled Vera against her and wrapped her arms around Vera, she gently held her as she continued to make tiny whimpering sounds. Joan quietly made shushing sounds and ever so slightly rocked Vera, akin to soothing a baby. 

The midwife returned and Vera wiped her eyes, sitting up more fully, Joan retreated slightly but still held Vera, a protective grasp around the smaller woman who suddenly seemed so vulnerable. 

“Well, I think I’ve worked out why you are feeling so rubbish, the good news is there’s absolutely no signs of preeclampsia, which was our main concern with the symptoms you presented. Your urine sample indicates that you are dehydrated, very dehydrated in fact. I would like to put you on a drip, get some fluids into you and hopefully that will help you to feel better. I’ve brought you some paracetamol to take now, it should take the edge of your headache.” 

Joan took the two plastic cups, one with water, the other containing two tablets.

“I’ll be back shortly,” the midwife said. 

Vera turned away from Joan and small sobs escaped her mouth as she tried to hold them in. She drew in a few sharp intakes of air and the small sobs became louder and more intense. 

“Vera, what’s wrong? The midwife said it’s not serious,” Joan said. 

“It’s just, this... this is my fault,” Vera said through heavy tears. 

“How is this your fault?” Joan asked perplexed. 

“I’ve not eaten today, I’ve barely drank anything, I was too busy worrying about everything else and not about our baby, now look what I’ve done.”

Joan brought Vera’s head round to face her, “I won’t have you blaming yourself, you didn’t know this would happen, you didn’t ask for this, it’s not your fault.” 

She cupped Vera’s jaw and tilted her head upwards, “It’s noT your fault.” 

“I just feel so silly, foolish. I’m sorry Joan.” 

Joan held Vera tight and pushed her nose into Vera’s crown, inhaling deeply. 

“I’m sorry too, it’s my job to look after you, after you both.” 

Joan bit down on her bottom lip, punishing herself, wanting to feel that sharp piercing pain, she should have stopped all of this from happening. 

Vera squirmed when the midwife approached to insert the cannula. 

“I don’t like needles.” 

“It’s ok, you don’t have to look,” the midwife said amused. 

Vera nuzzled her face into Joan’s breasts and held her breath as the cannula was positioned into the back of her hand. 

“All done,” the midwife said. 

Vera remained still for a few moments, remembering how safe she felt with Joan, close to her, Joan stroked Vera’s hair, allowing her a few moments to compose herself. 

“Someone will be round shortly to review your print out, in the mean time I suggest you take this opportunity to rest... you won’t get much of that in a few weeks,” the midwife smiled as she spoke. 

“Can I, I mean, I want to stay, is that ok?” Joan asked. 

“Of course that’s ok.” 

The midwife left them alone once again, Joan covered Vera’s legs with the hospital issued blanket and pulled the chair from the corner of the room to Vera’s bedside. Sitting down she lent forward, elbows resting on the bed. She tentatively kissed the side of Vera’s exposed bump, between the bands. Her hands enclosing Vera’s bare hand. She held it tightly and worked her thumb in short strokes up and down the back of Vera’s hand. 

“I feel really sleepy Joan.”

“Then close your eyes darling, I’m not going anywhere.”

Vera’s heavy eyelids closed slowly, her last moment of focus on Joan’s face and then her hands. 

Vera slept for a few hours in total, Joan stayed by her side. She daren't leave, not even for a second, not wanting Vera to wake and worry that she was gone. Even though Joan herself felt tired, hungry, her legs becoming numb from sitting on the too small chair. She wouldn’t leave Vera, keeping vigil at her bedside, watching over her, protecting her, protecting what was hers. She watched the rise and fall of Vera’s chest, the fluttering of her eyelashes, her lips slightly parted, she listened to Vera breathing. 

Vera stretched her legs out, she moaned quietly and her eyes opened. It took a few moments for them to adjust, recollecting where she was. 

“How are you feeling?” Joan asked. 

“Hmm better I think, my head doesn’t seem to be hurting anymore. What time is it?” 

“I’m not sure, it’s late, it’s been dark for a while now.” 

“Have you been here the whole time?” Vera asked, slightly surprised. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t, I couldn’t leave you. I never will,” Joan smiled. 

Vera felt herself blush slightly. 

“I’ve been watching our baby moving too, quite the wriggler at times, I think they have a strong left kick as well. I’m surprised it didn’t wake you, your bump was rippling and limps protruding like crazy at times.”

“Sometimes it does wake me, but not today, I slept really heavily.” Vera looked down at her bump smiling. 

There was a knock at the door and a different midwife entered, accompanied by a doctor. 

“Hello Miss Bennett, how are you feeling?” 

“Much better, thank you.”

“Dr. Wilson is going to check over the print out, if all looks ok then you can go home, I’m sure you’ll be more comfortable in your own bed.” 

The doctor tore off the print out, his eyes scanned along both readings and he chewed the side of his mouth whilst he interpreted the peaks and lines. 

The doctor addressed Vera and Joan, alternating eye contact between them both as he spoke. “So, baby’s heart rate indicates no signs of distress. I can see that a few tightenings have been picked up. They are nothing to worry about and are really insignificant. We call them Braxton Hicks, also known as prodromal labour. Basically they are sporadic uterine contractions. They may have been triggered by the stress of your body being dehydrated, but it’s possible that the two are unrelated. You may continue to feel them over the next few weeks. As you’ve experienced, they are mildly uncomfortable, but not painful. Should they develop into more painful episodes, appearing at regular intervals and lasting longer then we would like to see you back here. Otherwise I don’t expect to see you back for at least three weeks, let’s get this little one to full term. Oh and make sure you keep your fluids up.” 

The doctor smiled politely at both of them and then nodded at the midwife before leaving the room. 

The midwife removed Vera’s cannula and finished Vera’s discharge notes. 

“Can we keep the print out?” Vera asked.

“Sure, I’ll tuck it into your notes. Now you’re welcome to stay here as long as you find necessary. Take it easy getting up as you’ve been led down a while.” 

As the midwife left, Joan cleared her throat, the midwife looked back. 

“I just wanted to say thank you.”

“I’m only doing my job, you’re very welcome,” the midwife replied as she slipped out of the room. Leaving Joan and Vera alone. 

“Joan?”

“Yes, darling.”

“Please can you take me home?”

“Of course I can.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a bit different from the previous 10, I hope you still enjoy!

I lay behind her, spoon her, my Vera. Our height difference allows for me to wrap myself around her effortlessly, my legs easily follow the contour of her toned thighs, my knees rest into the back of hers. She wiggles back, she’s not as graceful as she was pre pregnancy, previously she would glide, but she still finds her rightful spot, clicks into place against me.

She presses herself into my crotch, my breasts push tight against her shoulder blades. The sensuality of this is not lost on me, even after hundreds of nights, my heartbeat quickens, it still feels as good as the first time. She is pure and each night being like this, with her, cleanses me. My one arm is tucked up by my head, my hand under the pillow. I lay my other arm over her bump, my hand over hers. This is my offering of protection, yet I don’t take the same from her, I devise my own protection.

Her chestnut locks tickle my face, I inhale deeply and Vera’s scent floods inside me, it smells like... home, it smells familiar. This is our normality, this is our routine. We remove our clothes, in ritual fashion, every night and every night we sleep together naked. The physical closeness balances the other areas where I have yet to remove all the pieces of the wall, emotional intimacy doesn’t come easily to me.

I feel her go slack in my arms; she falls asleep so quickly of late, the third trimester is really taking it out of her. I vow to take better care of her. My mind has been distracted the last couple of days, ever since we returned from the hospital. We have kept busy; I have deliberately kept us busy.

Vera never complains, her loyalty to me extends further than just as a deputy and it is more than a lover. I often wonder what her ideal day would be like, we only seem to play out mine, are they ever truly the same desire.

She knows me better than I give her credit for, she knows how to act around me, how to react to me. Everything she does is with a subconscious inclination to please me. I feel she is bound to me, that we will never become equal; I will always have the upper hand. She will always place me on a pedestal, one from which, in her eyes, I can never fall. Even when I try to invert that position, show her the reverence she shows me, like magnets we ricochet and return to our rightful place.

She will always be too good for me. She is far more than I deserve.

The anniversary has crept up on me this year. I know Vera knows, we just don’t talk about it, rather I don’t want to talk about it. I want to fall asleep quickly; I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. I want to switch off. I want to go to work tomorrow and for the day to pass in record speed. Mark it over for another year.

My eyelids close and as they do images of her flash against them, on an old reel of film, snapshots cycling around and around. Her smile, her gentleness, her simplicity. It’s as if she’s pulling me in, into a dreamland where she’s not really gone. I want that, I want her to not be gone, but my life is not there anymore, it’s here, it’s now, with Vera. I can’t process the conflict of feelings. I’m not used to harbouring a feeling of guilt. I’m not good at this. I try and open my eyes, but they’re heavy, weighted, I can’t fight it any longer. I’m slipping back to her, still holding Vera, it’s all wrong.

***

_I walk down the prison corridor, it’s night time, lights are out. All but one. A glow comes from the end of the hall. I quicken my pace. My heels click. It echoes._

_As I turn the corner, there she is, with her back to me, she’s nursing him. I wait, observe them. She’s so gentle with him, she was born for this. Her hair is wavy and soft over her shoulders; her curls always look so perfect, even with inadequate prison facilities. I can hear her cooing to him._

_I reach out to touch her shoulder, she turns to me. She smiles._

_“Hey, where have you been? We’ve missed you.”_

_I try and talk but no words come out, I’m mute._

_She passes me him; I always panic at this point. She senses this. She gives me that look, the one that says you can do this. I cradle him in my arms and rock him carefully._

_She looks down and tends to her bare breast, delicately replacing her breast pad and clippings the cup back into place. She pulls her top down._

_I can’t help but stare, I want to take them both home. I want to watch her feed him, put him in the cot beside our bed, then I would make love to her. It would be perfect. It would be so much more than our stolen moments within the prison walls._

_“He needs winding,” she says to me._

_I suddenly realise I’m just holding him, eyes still fixated on her chest._

_I gently place him over my shoulder, the way she’s showed me many times before. I pat his back slowly._

_“You’re such a natural,” she says as she stands and gently kisses my cheek._

_Warmth radiates over me, I begin to grow in confidence, pacing with him as I try and bring his wind up._

_When I turn around she’s gone._

_I look for her, I can’t find her. I place him in his crib._

_I don’t want to leave him, but I need to find her._

_I try to shout, but again no words come out._

_I run down the corridor, around the bend, to the stairwell. I freeze._

_She’s there._

_Hanging._

_Life drained._

_I try and scream but nothing comes out._

_Suddenly there’s black._

_I’m back at the beginning again._

_I walk down the prison corridor, it’s night time, lights are out. All but one. A glow comes from the end of the hall. I quicken my pace. My heels click. It echoes._

_As I turn the corner, Vera is sat in my office. She’s crying. I rush in, put my arm around her. I brush her tears away and she’s inconsolable. I look down and there’s no bump._

_“I don’t know what happened Joan, our baby, our baby is gone, someone took our baby.” She shrieks._

_I stand up, I back away. I run. I don’t understand. She stays there sobbing. I need to find our baby._

_I look back over my shoulder. As I turn forward again, I run straight into her. She’s holding him._

_“I miss you Joan. We miss you. Come with us. Stay with us.”_

_I’m confused. Who do I go with, who do I choose._

_She’s there in front of me, her smile; she’s there for the taking._

***

My eyelashes flutter, I’m trying to focus, there’s a crossover between my dream and reality. I can still see her, but there are hands on my shoulders, they’re shaking me.

“Joan, Joan, wake up.”

I stare at Vera, I feel aggravated.

Why has she woken me? 

Why isn’t she with our baby?

I scan the room, then I look back at Vera.

“Vera, where is the baby?!”

I get out of the bed, I distance myself from Vera. She looks lost, confused. She reaches out to me but I back away.

“Tell me where the baby is?!” I don’t know how much more plain I can make it.

“Joan, I don’t know what you’re on about? I haven’t had the baby yet. I think you were having a nightmare. It’s ok, everything is ok.”

“It’s not ok. Nothing will ever be ok.”

I begin to get dressed, an old pair of jogging bottoms and a hoody. I must be quick.

Vera is out of the bed, she tries to approach me.

“Joan, wait, give me your hand, please, feel, I’m still pregnant.”

“No,” I shout at her, louder than I wanted to, but I need her to stop.

She looks at me with those pleading eyes, but I stare right back through her.

“Joan, where are you going?” Vera’s voice hitches as she asks me, I know she’s upset.

“I need to go to her.” I reply, she knows who I mean.

“You don’t need to go now, you need to come back to bed, please,” Vera’s voice hints at desperation. It’s not a look she wears well.

“Do. Not. Follow. Me.” I say firmly as I leave our bedroom. As I leave Vera. Deep down I know she won’t. She doesn’t have the courage to take me on when I’m like this. That I’m glad of.

I reach the bottom of the stairs and for a fraction of a second I waver. There are no footsteps following me. Should I go back to Vera. I could easily run back upstairs and tell Vera I love her, that I’ll stay or even just I’ll be back, sure she deserves that much. But I don’t, instead I head out into the dark of the night.

Heavy rain pelts down at me as I head towards the car; there was no time to get a coat. I slam it into reverse. I’m not looking; I’m not paying attention to my surroundings. There’s no mirror checking. There’s only a destination I need to get to. The radio came on when the car started, I go to switch it off, but I stop. The lyrics resonate; suddenly I’m hanging in an abyss. Time doesn’t move forward. The world continues around me, but I’m paralysed. I feel obliged to listen, even as each word cuts deeper into my already marred heart.

 _I find the map and draw a straight line_  
_Over rivers, farms, and state lines_  
_The distance from 'A' to where you'd be_  
_It's only finger-lengths that I see_  
_I touch the place where I'd find your face_  
_My fingers in creases of distant dark places_  
  
_I hang my coat up in the first bar_  
_There is no peace that I've found so far_  
_The laughter penetrates my silence_  
_As drunken men find flaws in science_  
  
_Their words mostly noises_  
_Ghosts with just voices_  
_Your words in my memory_  
_Are like music to me_  
  
_After I have travelled so far_  
_We'd set the fire to the third bar_  
_We'd share each other like an island_  
_Until exhausted, close our eyelids_  
_And dreaming, pick up from_  
_The last place we left off_  
_Your soft skin is weeping_  
_A joy you can't keep in_  
  
_I'm miles from where you are,_  
_I lay down on the cold ground_  
_And I, I pray that something picks me up_  
_and sets me down in your warm arms_

All it makes me think of is her, how I long to still feel her warm arms, to pick up from the last place we left off. This is everything I wish I could express verbally, everything I wish I could articulate.

I crash my fist against the controls, silence fills the car, there will be no more. Renewed determination ensues; my foot becomes leaden against the pedal. I’m doing at least double the speed limit, but woe betide anyone who should try and halt me now.

The wipers begin to squeak, another irritant, my teeth begin to grind; I want to reach out and snap them. My temples throb as my anger rises. I just want to be there now.

My tyres screech to a halt as I deposit my car parallel to the wooden fence. The barrier, to keep what in? Or, to keep what out? I clutch the steering wheel, tight and hard. I take one single long breath to steady myself.

I step out of the car, the rain has eased, it’s a light drizzle, a faint haze cast in the subtle light from the street lamps. I open the gate and begin the final leg of this journey. I count in my head, one, two, three, all the way until forty-two. That’s how many paces I take. Then I turn right, with military precision, ninety degrees and proceed thirteen more paces. It’s almost pitch black. But I know I’m here. I’ve done this many times before. At one time it was daily, but since being with Vera, I visit only twice a year.

I kneel, this is the woman to whom I show my veneration. I trace my index finger along the pristine edge, the granite is as crisp as the day it was installed, you get what you pay for, I paid for the best. I press harder and harder, until I hiss, it lacerates my skin.

My hand slips down and across, the stone is cool and wet, my blood traces along the perfect letters.

J I A N N A.

My Jianna.

I shuffle closer, I rest my head against the stone. I want to scream, but it won’t help. I want to dig down, use my hands to excavate the earth that separates us, but it won’t help. I would bathe in this putrid mud just to feel her once more.

Nothing I do takes away the burden of grief that encapsulates my entire being at this time of year. I should have been there to save her.

I want her to come back to me. But I know, this isn’t how it works. I’ve tried that, I’ve begged and pleaded for mercy, to have her back.

The wet ground begins to seep through my trousers, my knees become damp. I shift slightly and below me squelches: it disgusts me that someone I love is buried in these filthy surroundings. How is it normal to honour someone by encompassing them with dirt?

It dawns on me that I haven’t said anything. I never know what to say to her when I come. But I feel I should say something.

“Vera’s pregnant,” I blurt out.

Even now my mind is torn between these two women. Which one am I being most disloyal to?

“She’s pregnant, just like you were.”

I close my eyes and recall caressing Jianna’s bump, her skin was so velvety soft. She places her hand over mine and tells me not to be shy, she guides me to roam freely over the expanse of her exposed skin.

Vera feels good. But Jianna felt amazing.

As I inhale I remember her sweet essence. She was so worried about getting stretch marks that I managed to sneak her some cocoa butter. The little things made her so happy; she didn’t belong in that place. With those animals.

She was an innocent, beautiful being that fired up something dead inside me, she needed me and I wanted her. What we had was real. What we had was taken from me.

I open my eyes again.

“I will always love you Jianna, always.”

That’s what it boils down to; there are no justifications for what happened to my Jianna. There are no long speeches. There is just the fact that I love her, I will always love her. I’ve tried to stop, it’s not possible.

I always think that coming here will help, but I’m never sure it does.

I return to my car, pop the boot and retrieve a disposable car seat protector. I drape it across my seat. Once in the car I give myself a moment, a moment to compose myself. I’ve had my time, now I must go home.

I press the front door shut behind me, all the lights are off, I scan downstairs, she’s not been down. I’m clutching the plastic protector from my front seat. I slip my shoes off, aligned them at the heels. I lay the plastic on the floor and strip my hoody and jogging bottoms off. I crouch down and roll them up, together with the plastic. It will be disposed of, there is no point trying to clean them, I know where they have been. I leave the package by the front door.

Cautiously I head upstairs. I circumnavigate the room, Vera is asleep, she’s on my side of the bed. I enter the ensuite, locking the door behind me. I’m safe. I deposit my underwear and step into the shower. The water starts to run, I turn up the temperature, I increase the pressure. I need to feel it, really feel it.

I step under the powerful jet, empty my lungs as fully as I can, tilt my head back, eyes closed and I wait. It covers my nose, my mouth, I can’t exhale against the force of the water, I don’t dare attempt to inhale. The lack of oxygen gives rises to a panic inside me, but I refuse to move, no yet, I will myself to stand deadly still. Just a few more moments.

Then, just on the edge of unconsciousness I throw my head forward and gasp.

I need to regain control of my emotions.

I wish my father was here now, he would know how to quash these emotions. I haven’t seen him in such a long time. I refused to call him, ask for him, because if he doesn’t appear then I have also lost control of that.

I wash myself thoroughly; scrub my skin until it’s red and sore. I want to be clean.

I dry myself off, roughly drying my hair. I cringe at the thought of going to bed with damp hair, but right now I don’t have a choice. I have to go back to Vera. Make things right.

It’s odd entering from her side of the bed, she’s facing outwards, all I have to do is ease myself behind her. There’s a slither of moonlight illuminating her face, her cheeks are tear stained. My heart feels heavy, I did that, I left her. I wonder how long she cried for, I wonder if she cried herself to sleep.

I want to make this right. She hasn’t stirred. I press myself behind her. She feels so warm, she radiates, oh she does feel good. I nuzzle into her neck. Plant delicate kisses. She moves slightly. I run my hand along the smooth skin of her thigh, I edge towards the apex. She suddenly moves. She’s turning round, to face me, I panic, naively I thought I could carry this out without having to look at her face. She’s still sleepy, I trail my fingers over her dark curls, lowering to part her lips. I take a moment to kiss her, my fingers still, she pulls away. I don’t want her to speak, I just want her to let me make her feel good. I go to kiss her again and this time she pulls away from my hand between her legs and from my mouth.

“Stop.”

My eyes widen, I echo her, “stop.”

I throw her statement back as a question.

“You can’t leave, leave me like you did and think that you can crawl back into bed, say nothing and I will be putty in your hands. It doesn’t work like that, you can’t touch me between my legs, make me cry out your name and believe that I will forgive you and just forget everything.”

She furrows her brow, she looks pained. She’s making that face she does just before she angry cries, she’s angry with me.

I say nothing.

“Joan, talk to me.”

There it is again, desperation, in her voice, etched on her face.

“I know where you went, I know what day it is tomorrow. You may think I don’t pick up on these things, that I don’t remember, but I do. I know you use a star for her birthday and a dot for the anniversary in your diary.”

I know she knows. She’s not stupid, she’s just respectful.

I let her continue, I wait until she asks me to speak again, not that I have any words to fix my mess.

“Why won’t you talk to me about it? Why won’t you let me help you? I feel like we have come so far and then twice a year a massive barrier comes crashing back down and you’re back to Governor Ferguson that I met on your first day.”

I try and look at her but with every word I realise she’s right and I’m wrong. She’s made me feel things that I never thought I would since Jianna, she’s opened my heart again.

“Joan please, let me in, trust me. We have to sort this. I can’t watch you like this forever more, I can’t cope with this anymore.”

I do love Vera, I really do and she’s given me so much, taught me so much. I want to be hers forever, I want her to be mine forever. I want us to be a family.

It’s the anniversary and Jianna’s birthday. That’s when everything becomes a mess, that’s when it falls apart. I fall apart. The rest of the year I can’t deny that me and Vera do live in an exquisite bliss. Vera does make me happy.

As much as living without Jianna pains me, living without Jianna and Vera would end me.

I have to let her in, I have to trust that she knows what she’s doing, that she can help.

I don’t want to lose her too.

She’s looking at me, waiting patiently, waiting for a response. I raise my eyes to meet hers.

“I still love Jianna.”

There, I said it. I brace. Close my eyes. Wait to feel her attack, lash out. I deserve it. I’ve never seen her be violent, but if you push someone far enough that side will be shown.

Her fingertips touch my cheek, but it’s not ferocious contact. I feel a slight wave of relief. She’s stroking me, trying to sooth me. I carefully open my eyes.

“That’s ok.” She whispers.

How is that ok, how is me admitting I’m still in love with another woman ok.

“How?” My voice is small.

“I would never ask you to stop loving her, she was before me, before us. It’s ok to still love her.”

How can she say that, surely she can’t mean that. It’s not possible for her to be ok with this.

“Joan you can love more than one person at one time, you are capable of that, you may not believe it, but you are. I believe in you.”

“But I think... I think, I would choose her, if she was here now, I would choose her. That scares me.”

I hang my head in shame. How cruel can I be, it would be nicer to just snap her neck, physically break her, end this pain for her swiftly. Instead I tell her she won’t ever fill Jianna’s shoes, I give her the gift of never being good enough.

“Joan, she’s not going to be here, she’s not coming back. Ever. You’ll never have to choose between us.”

I know that, I know she’s gone.

“Why doesn’t that bother you, why aren’t you screaming at me? You should be screaming at me.” I say with confusion.

How can Vera be so rational and accepting.

“Because I don’t think you deal with your emotions well, I don’t think you’ve ever dealt with them well. I don’t think you know what to say, how to feel.”

She tucks my hair behind my ear. She caresses my jaw. She knows just the right way to calm me.

“But most of all I don’t think you’ve ever grieved. I don’t think in your heart you’ve ever processed Jianna’s death. Which means that every year it never gets easier, every year you are transported back to the rawness.”

What she says makes sense. I’ve never learnt how to grieve, I’ve never had anyone to show me how or anyone to grieve with.

“I want you to trust me, I can’t promise I can make everything better, but I want to try, for you and for us.”

She smiles at me. She’s so beautiful.

“I... trust you.” I say, albeit quietly.

“Then let me help you.”

Vera shuffles up the bed, she sits and rests against our headboard. She pats her lap, ushers me to rest my head there.

I move towards her, I’m unsure which way she wants me to face. I choose away from her, it’s slightly awkward with her imposing bump, but I lay my head in her lap, on top of her thighs. She pulls the covers over me. She’ll make a fabulous mother. I’ll follow her lead.

Her fingers begin to glide through my hair; she splays it out and plays with it. Suddenly I’m transported back. I’m 5 again. I’m curled in my Mother’s lap, she’s stroking my hair and I’m reminded of that feeling of safety, everything will be ok. Vera has the capacity to make me feel safe. I begin to relax.

“Tell me about her.” She says, her voice is clear.

“About who?” I ask, suddenly snapped out of the memories of my mother.

“About Jianna.” Vera sounds so confident. I’m proud of her for this.

“What do you want to know?” I asked timidly.

No one has ever wanted to know about her before, no one has ever asked me. No one has cared.

“I want to know everything, I want to know her through your memories.”

She runs her hand down my arm and squeezes my fingers.

“Take your time.”

Never before has anyone afforded me this sort of time. For the first time tonight I feel a tear forming. I feel my emotions brimming in the right way, a cathartic way. I want to tell Vera all about my Jianna.

I squeeze her hand back, let my tear silently fall and I cast my mind back to the very first memory of Jianna.

I tell Vera everything, every recollection I have, every detail. She listens, she responds appropriately, still stroking my hair. She lets me take it at my pace, not rushing me, just being there as I unpack and lay it all out for her to absorb.

When I’m done she moves down next to me in the bed. She tells me to turn around, face away from her and she does her best to spoon me. Her hand barely reaches around my waist but she pushes as tight against me as her body allows. It feels nice. The role reversal is somewhat strange. But I take this, her offering of protection for me.

“Vera?” I ask, unsure if she’s fallen asleep.

“Yes.” She replies.

“Will you, I mean, I want you to come with me tomorrow. I want you to come with me when I take Jianna flowers.”

“I would be honoured to be by your side.”

I was right earlier. She will always be too good for me. She is far more than I deserve.

But she is mine and I am hers. We are in this together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always knew what the content would be for this chapter, right from chapter one. However I only recently decided to write it from Joan's POV, which is quite different from the previous chapters. It was a slight risk on my part and a good challenge. I was inspired somewhat from watching The Handmaid's Tale and the power of Offred's internal monologues. 
> 
> The song is Snow Patrol (Ft. Martha Wainwright) - Set the Fire to The Third Bar  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfa9yxCpWoA

**Author's Note:**

> I am no writer, in fact the last time I penned a fictional story was probably for GCSE coursework! However I very much enjoy Freakytits and have been contemplating this domestic storyline for a while. Vera won't have Hep C in this fic, I did some research and don't feel that I could successfully do justice to the subject in relation to pregnancy.


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